Sunday, March 1, 2009

Love the One You're With

If you’re down and confused, and you don’t
remember who you’re talkin’ to. Concentration slip
away, ‘cause your baby is so far away.
Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle
flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love,
honey, love the one you’re with.

~Stephen Stills, Love the One You’re With~

When I popped over to Zil's blog and saw this quote at the top I knew it was time. This song has been in my head for about two weeks. I've talked about it to several friends, and my husband. I've been thinking I should post about it. So here it is.

If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with.

Not recommended marriage advice, I don't think. That's not what this is about.

Except maybe it is good advice for me, for my life right now.

I look around and am dissatisfied with my life. My house is a constant mess. I'm unhappy with how it is decorated. I'm embarrassed to have people over. I am unhappy with my weight. With my sloppy clothes. With the amount of yelling I do at my kids (too much) and the amount of time I spend doing things my toddler would love (too little)

So I sit and think about how much it stinks. I am pretty much in a constant state of either sadness or anger.

And I remember I had once heard this advice. If you are not ok, fake it. Fake it and pretty soon you will be ok.

Not quite sure how that works. Has anyone had that work for them? I'd be interested to hear.

Instead, this line keeps going through my head. Only I'm changing one word when I sing it to myself

If you can't be with the LIFE you love, honey, love the LIFE you're with.

Instead of wishing my life was different I need to learn to love the life I have. I love the kids I have, the husband I have. I love that I have a house. I love a lot about it.

And I think I need to start doing it better. If I am unhappy with it, I need to do it better. Do my job better. My job of being Emily.

Some of you may or may not know I have my daycare license. Only, previously I have only done care for before and after school kids. Ages 5+. That is the best of both worlds. Not a ton of money, but I get my days free. Only, I don't have anyone enrolled right now. With this economy people are not paying for daycare for kids that are old enough to stay home by themselves.

And I had a call this week to watch 2 kids- a 2 year old and a 6 week old. Uh oh.

See my last post about holding other people's babies

And the thought comes to my head.

If you can't be with the life you love, honey, love the life you're with.

I have been thinking in this state of economy I need to have much more of a bank account buffer than I currently have. My emergency account right now is just about enough to take us all out for one chocolate overload trip to Dairy Queen.

And I am gearing up. I need to do my life better. I give myself a mental smack in the head and tell myself to get going.

If I'm going to do daycare, let's do it. And do it well.

I'll let you know how it goes.


Anonymous said...

Good luck w/ the daycare. Sounds fun!

Yes, I can relate to those feelings of a messy house and a "my life stinks"....

Lea said...

Hi Emily,

Funny, I do daycare! It is the absolute hardest job I have ever done, but I can honestly say it is also the most rewarding.
I get what you are saying about just "going through the motions"'s so hard. Sometimes I feel like I have been jipped out of this grieving thing because I have no choice to get my butt out of bed and keep going... I have a 5 and a 3 year old! It's kind of bittersweet. I am incredibly grateful to have them... to have a VERY good reason to "love the life I'm with", but their are definitely days when I just want to cry all day.
I am confident that we will learn to love the life we are's the best one we've got and staying positive (although unbearably hard at times) is the best way to get through it.
Good luck....

Sending you strength,

Living With Loss said...

Hi Emily and thanks for your message on my blog. I look forward to getting to know you better too.

I think when something awful happens in your life it can be so easy to feel like EVERYTHING is going wrong and you can easily forget about the positive stuff. I am guilty of this and sometimes I sit down and write a list of all the GOOD things in my life. It helps me to appreciate that it isn't all bad! But that doesn't make up for what I've lost - just makes me remember that I still have positive stuff too (a wonderful husband, a lovely house, 2 fantastic dogs, a great family!).

I'm always trying to make everything perfect though - but I am (slowly!) coming to realise that life isn't perfect and neither can I make it perfect. Some things are beyond my control.

But some things aren't and we have to push ourselves to reach those goals.

Good luck with the day care. I really hope it works out for you and isn't too painful.

Take care x

Vickie said...

Good luck with day care:)

I needed to read this post. For a few years I have been feeling kind of rough. I need to love my life as it is now.

Lechelle said...

I recently realized that since losing Easton and Charlie, I've been the ghost of my former self. This was an inspiring post for me, and since you posted it I've been trying to make a conscious effort to be the real me again. Because I do love the life I have, but I need to show it more because I spend so much energy wishing for the other life that would have been. If not for myself than for my husband. The other night there was a lightening and thunderstorm, and the thought crossed my mind that the real me from before would have played in it. I then had a conversation in my head where I convinced myself that if that is what I would have done before, then I need to fake it, I need to pretend to be who I used to be. I got up, threw my swimsuit and trenchcoat on, and dragged my husband out in the rain, for dancing, puddle jumping, and playing on the swings. By midway through I felt like my real self. Thank you. Faking it can be a step toward feeling it.
Good luck with daycare, keep us updated.