Product Critique: Everlasting Memories

I was offered a keepsake of my choice from the site Everlasting Memories and the photo engraved jewelry was suggested. It kind of threw me for a loop for a second. I DO have a photo of Gabriel, but not one that I'd be comfortable displaying. I was intrigued by the gorgeous cremation jewelry that allows you to put a little bit of cremains inside to carry with you but I didn't want to disturb Gabriel's ashes that are currently sealed in a little wooden box.

 After several days I decided on the Stainless Steel Photo Engraved Keychain but instead of a photo I asked that it be inscribed with a scripture.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1

The representative was wonderful to work with and very interested in helping me pick just the right item as a keepsake. Shipping was very quick and it is nicer than I had expected. Very solid touchstone- I find myself rubbing it while I'm holding my keys, kind of like a little worry stone.

The inscription is perfect except for the fact that I picked a longish verse and the print is very, very tiny. Except, you know what? Gabriel was very, very tiny. I know what it says and anyone who cares to look closely will too.

This would be a perfect mother's day or father's day gift. I love it, and I love that it can be personalized to be just right.

Personal Shrine Collage

 

I'm participating in a Day of the Dead art swap over at Mother Henna. 

I'm a super type A and it is really hard for me to let go and let the art magic happen. However, I discovered two things. One, I'm becoming obsessed with Day of the Dead. A day to remember and celebrate our loved ones? Bring it on. And, Two, I really love collage. I mean, I love it. I especially like cutting out words from magazines and watch as a message from the universe appears to me.

I made these personal shrines. They are inspired by the tin 'nichos' in Latin American culture where you make a tiny shrine featuring a symbol or item that is special to you. They use mason jar lids since mason jars are all hip and in style right now. Also cheap. And now that I've started I can't stop. I want to make a million of them. My son is getting baptized this weekend (at the age of 8, it's a big deal) and I want to make a little shadowbox shrine to commemorate that. I want to make one with my great grandmother's photo and her broach I have. I want to make one to honor Gabriel with his sandname photo and some shells and a little bottle of sand.

Here are a few photos from the ones I made from the swap- I kept my two favorite. The red one that says, "Dream" and one not pictured that says, "Discover the Path"

Collage. Who knew?

Wishing you a peaceful 2013: January Newsletter

"If you are going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill "Whatever you are, be a good one." Abraham Lincoln "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein I feel like I've been in a funk. My life is changing, evolving. So many good things happened last year for me- and yet, I've been bogged down these last few months. I had every intention of sending you a message to help you through the holidays. Instead, it was me who needed to shut down. I'm sorry I left you to your own devices. I hope the holidays were peaceful and gentle for you. With the flip of the calendar I feel re-energized. I love the new year- it feels like a clean slate, a chance to start over. A do- over. One of my resolutions is to clear my mind, my body, and my life of clutter. To get rid of things that are weighing me down. No more pinterest and comparing myself to all those moms out there who are making their kids healthy lunches that are shaped like cartoon characters. Switching over to digital scrapbooking to clean out my basement of all the paper and ribbon that taunt me. No more closet full of clothes I don't wear and don't even like that much.No junk food. No soda and sugar. Clean. Healthy, Strong, Focused. I've tried to figure out where my website fits into all of this. Every time someone orders my bracelets and scrapbooking quotes it means that another one of our children is gone. It's horrible. But... I feel grateful to be able to help even one person navigate their loss a little more smoothly. Could I be doing more? I need to post on my blog more- it is at the top of my to-do list every single week: STEPPING STONES. And yet... what to say? What do I have that anyone wants to hear? I'm working on refocusing and, well, reorganizing my brain, to be honest. What I have to share is this: a glimpse into the life of someone who may be a little further down the road. I'm not perfect. I have down days (or weeks). But overall, I'm moving forward to be better and stronger than I was the day before. I've decided to re-vamp my site a little bit. I am still "Stepping Stones, a path to healing after the loss of a child" but I'd like to add "a path TO HEALTH and healing after the loss of a child" Give me a week or two to gather my thoughts and focus my ideas and I will send another newsletter. For now, let me just say I want to wish you a very gentle day. emily

S.K. sent me this email:
The best advice and the most hope I gathered after the death of my baby was my psychiatrist's candid and loving response: "You will never get over this; but in time the pain will hopefully lessen and fade away."

The minute he uttered those words, "you will never get over this," I immediately felt a large boulder fall away from my shoulders. Not much later, I realized he had given me permission to feel and hold my grief and cherish it so that I might someday leave it and heal.

Reminded over and over again today that I should have an almost 10 year old. Holidays are hard. ((hugs to all of us)) and Merry Christmas

From Stephanie over at Sweet Pea Project
In keeping with the spirit of giving, Sweet Pea Project will light a candle at the five art exhibit for the first 100 parents who make a request on Christmas Day, no donation necessary. To request a candle please email your child's name to Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org with the word Candle as the subject. We are unable to take requests any other way, so please do not reply to this post or send a message via facebook. For more info on the candles, please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/five/candle. Thank you for allowing us the privilege of honoring your child.

No right or wrong: part 2

Whitney asked a question in the comments of that previous post but I wanted to bring it up to the top and ask all of you what you do. Here is her question:

I had a question for you - what do you call Gabriel's birthday? I don't know how to feel about Anna's due date in December, when I know she probably wouldn't have come out that day exactly. But it seems morbid to call her day of birth a birthday, which is supposed to be such a happy party time. Thanks again for writing...Whitney

Whitney, thanks for your question. I also feel kind of funny about using the word "birthday" which to me brings up images of cake, balloons, party hats and little kids running around Chuck E. Cheese.

I know some people use the phrase "angelversary" but I've never been entirely comfortable with using that, I don't know why.

I usually just call May 10 "Gabriel's Day" or more often with my family "Baby Goldbug Day" which was his nickname before he was born. However, on that day we do some of the typical 'birthday' things like getting our family together, going to a special place, having a balloon (which we release) and eating cupcakes.

So, I wanted to ask the rest of you. What do you call the day your baby was born?
Thanks for sharing with us.

Sweet Dreams. Little One

Andrea R asked me to post this beautiful poem she wrote after she miscarried a few days ago. ((hugs)) Andrea. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
peace-
emily

It feels un real, it feels silly.
I never held you. I never saw you.
I never felt you. I didn’t know you.
It's true though.
I miss you. I loved you. I wanted you.
I had no name for you.
I try not to blame me.
You and me, we were 1, you left me.
I’m angry & I’m sorry.
sweet dreams little one.
-Andrea R.

Mother's Day

I'm repeating my post from last year. I wish you a gentle weekend. ((hugs)) emily

This was written by Kara Jones. Click over to FaveCraftsBlog to read her whole post click here. You can visit Kara's blogs MotherHenna.com and Kota:Knowing Ourselves Through Art



...They were handing out fliers sharing the writing of Julia Ward Howe, first published in 1870 as a protest against the carnage and violence of the Civil War. This was a protest led by women whose sons had died! Bereaved mothers started this tradition of Mothers Day! In the beginning, this was a day of protest, an expression of horrified grief from bereaved mothers who were parted from their sons!! Wow. Okay. That’s a different spin.

So what did Julia have to say back in 1870? You read and see for yourself:

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!

Say firmly: “We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.

We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says “Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”

Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God.

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality may be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.

Julia Ward Howe
Boston
1870

Mothers Day came as an answer to Julia’s proclamation. It started as a ceremony of bereavement and then as a movement for peace and action to stop the senseless deaths of children everywhere. Our society can commercialize all they want. Because in my heart of hearts I know the real meaning of this day came from pain, loss, and grief — the same things I am prone to feel on any given Mothers Day. And from now on, when people urge me to celebrate the day, I tell them this:

I’ll celebrate with you if you will first mourn with me. It is the combination of the two that lends itself to the true meaning of Mothers Day!

From Audra, William John's mom

Audra sent me this email and gave me permission to post it here for you all. I think she expresses so many things I feel myself. Thanks for sharing, Audra.

Hi Emily!
Martha from St Killian's RC Church send the link to your site. I was
looking at your site and thought I'd share with you the things that
were the most difficult for me after our loss. First off, I'll tell
you that we lost our son William John died shortly after birth Jan 16,
2007. We found out at our 20 week ultrasound in Sept of 2006 that he
had a fatal kidney anomaly. It was heartbreaking. I feel so thankful
that we had any time wIth him at all and feel strongly that I am a
better person for having had William in my life. People don't get
that. It is a hushed subject - never to be spoken of. I agree with
something I read on your site - people, in general act as though I'm
doing something terrible to them when I speak of my son. That makes
me so sad because I really think of his short life as a blessing.

The things that were the most difficult for me:
I have two older children, both boys, then William, then a girl and
finally a boy. After I had my daughter many people (those that knew
about William) said things like "Now you got your girl". I felt it
was really discounting my precious son (not to mention the older
boys). I felt like telling people how happy we were to have a healthy
child and that really, truly I did not care about gender. I tried to
do this without being too preachy:-)

While I was pregnant but knew how sick our son was, many people asked
about my pregnancy, not knowing that our son was dying. It never
seemed like the right time to tell such people. I mean, if I was
never going to see them again then it was easy - I said nothing about
the matter (it was too painful) simply answered their questions. "We
are having a boy." "Yes, 3 boys" "My due date is February 10."
etc. But when I knew I'd be seeing people again it got tricky. How
was I supposed to answer someone casually asking about my pregnancy at
my son's kindergarten Halloween party? or at a soccer game? It just
never seemed like the right time. And so I went the remainder of my
pregnancy with none of these acquaintances knowing about our dear baby
boy's illness. It was easier with my younger son's pre-school class.
The teacher made an announcement to the parents as they picked up
their children on the day I was induced. But my older son was bused
to kindergarten. It was terribly painful to have people asking to see
my baby weeks after he had passed. I'm sure you can imagine the
reactions I got when I told people that our son had passed away. Some
people thought they has misheard me. There were quite a few stares
and, contrary to popular belief, I did notice when people were
pointing at me and whispering. I got through it though. I felt then,
as I do now that my precious son was with me. My desire has been to
respond with love and show people that if they see me as a kind,
patient person, it is in large part, because of the love I feel for my
son - what a better person I am for having known him!

As you may know, my greatest wish is that people would talk about my
son more often. I want to tell them "Please stop saying that I have 4
Kids. I have 5!" I don't want him to be forgotten.

Things that have helped me:
Something that really helped me was writing thank you notes to the
many wonderful people that helped support us as we carried, met, and
buried our son (You'll notice I used the term "we carried" that is
because my husband, an amazing man, truly carried William with me and
his loss/ grief is as deep as my own). I also sent lunch for the
nurses at the hospital on his due date - they were amazing and I
really wanted them to feel William's birth as a positive experience -
one in which they shared.

I also gave several talks on infant loss including 2 to nurses at the
hospital at which I delivered. I had pictures of William which I
shared. I see people that were at my talks semi-regularly and there
is a special connection that is there.

I also do small acts of kindness that I dedicate in my heart to my
beloved son.

Great job on the web site! It is so wonderful what you are doing.
I'm praying that the women that need your site find it and realize
that they are not alone.

Audra

Spreading awareness

Julie C just emailed me a suggestion- to change your facebook photo to a candle or awareness ribbon for tomorrow, Oct. 15. How awesome is that? As a matter of fact I'm going to go do that right now.

Thanks, Julie!

I'd love to hear what else you all are doing to spread awareness- such creativity and good works going on in memory of our little ones. ;0)

Hope today is gentle for you!
peace-
emily

I had an email from Jess, sharing her stepping stones with us. Thanks for letting me post this, Jess!! ((hugs))


The thing that was the most helpful for me has been meeting other women through Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope or from reading there blogs. And also from starting my own blog. With my first miscarriage (my second was 2 weeks ago and my first was 2/11/10) I did not want to be judged so I kept quiet like unfortunately most women do.

What was the most difficult was going through my second D & C - I cried from the minute I entered the pre-surgery area. People kept asking why I was so upset. I thought it should be rather obvious! The second which was the reason why I was so quiet the first time was people's reactions when I told them I had a miscarriage. They looked horrified! I was so offended. I am the one going through this not them - how dare they look offended because of my pain! I still can't get over that. Now I have a blog and I could care less. If it bothers them then they better not talk to me (lol) because these are my children and I will talk about them whenever I want to! The Sunday before Oct. 15th I am singing "I will carry you" by Selah at church and putting up a powerpoint of the words with the dates of my angels and the date of pregnancy loss awareness day. I am praying that nothing happens that will upset me. I mean I am SURE I will cry when I am done with the song (hopefully not during though) but I hope no one acts appalled.

"My hands are full"

We recently took a roadtrip down to Florida and did all the things you do in Florida-get sunburned, eat oranges, go to the beach, Disney, and snorkeling. It was a good trip. I was thinking about Gabriel a ton because it was nearly identical to the trip we had planned (and ended up taking) 2 weeks after Gabriel was stillborn. I felt a little like he was looking over my shoulder.

Now, let me tell you for a second about my kids. I have 2 older ones who are now in their teens. They were 3-4 when Gabriel died. And we waited years after his death before I could bear to think about trying again. And so there is a 8 year gap before my younger 2. I think it is fitting that hole is in my family. Because there IS a hole in my family.

People often comment on my kids. Either the "Oh, 2 boys and 2 girls- perfect!" which of course isn't perfect, there is supposed to be 3 boys. OR they ask about the 8 year gap. I usually just smile and thank them.

But I had a conversation with a lady that started kind of differently. I think that is why it caught me off guard, kind of.

Lady: "So, are these all your kids or are you babysitting or something?"
Me: "They are all mine"
Lady: "Wow!"
Me: "Yep" (they were running like lunatics through the parking lot at the Wild Bird Rescue Center)
Lady: "You sure have your hands full"
Me: "Well, that is better than having my hands empty"


Just kidding. That's what I wished I had said. What I actually said was,
Me: "Yep, in the best way possible"

Not a day goes by I still don't miss my little boy.
I hope today is gentle for you
peace-
emily

Patches the Bear

I had a visit from sweet Patches the Bear. You can read more about his adventures on his blog www.patchesthebear.blogspot.com

I appreciated him dropping in, because all of my siblings and their kids were here- 16 cousins in all. I liked that Patches could represent my Gabriel.

((hugs)) to all
emily

True History of Mother's Day

I'm lifting this from Kara Jones post over at FaveCraftsBlog- to read her whole post click here. And if you have a few minutes, visit Kara's blogs MotherHenna.com and Kota:Knowing Ourselves Through Art



...They were handing out fliers sharing the writing of Julia Ward Howe, first published in 1870 as a protest against the carnage and violence of the Civil War. This was a protest led by women whose sons had died! Bereaved mothers started this tradition of Mothers Day! In the beginning, this was a day of protest, an expression of horrified grief from bereaved mothers who were parted from their sons!! Wow. Okay. That’s a different spin.

So what did Julia have to say back in 1870? You read and see for yourself:

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!

Say firmly: “We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.

We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says “Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”

Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God.

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality may be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.

Julia Ward Howe
Boston
1870

Mothers Day came as an answer to Julia’s proclamation. It started as a ceremony of bereavement and then as a movement for peace and action to stop the senseless deaths of children everywhere. Our society can commercialize all they want. Because in my heart of hearts I know the real meaning of this day came from pain, loss, and grief — the same things I am prone to feel on any given Mothers Day. And from now on, when people urge me to celebrate the day, I tell them this:

I’ll celebrate with you if you will first mourn with me. It is the combination of the two that lends itself to the true meaning of Mothers Day!

Good Works and Creativity- April newsletter

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you,
I could walk forever in my garden. ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi

Chance is always powerful, let your hook always be cast;
in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.
~Ovid

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~Maori Proverb



Have I really not sent an email for almost 3 months! Oh, my. Sorry about that.

I have a hard time in the spring. It is beautiful, with all the trees in bloom and little shoots of hopeful flowers peeking out of the mud. But the change in temperature reminds me that it will soon be May. Gabriel was stillborn the week of Mother's Day. I feel myself wanting to curl up in a ball and go to bed.

And so, I try to look outside of myself. To motivate myself to do some good in the world. At least for the weeks leading up to Gabriel's day I try to give to others. On his day itself I allow myself to shut down and make it all about me, but for the next few weeks I try to give.

I have heard the idea of creating our children's legacy. The idea that our kids are not here to create their own legacies themselves, so we have the responsibility to do it for them. By our kindness projects and acts of service.

I am always amazed by the generosity and creativity of grieving moms. That in the midst of their grief, they are able to reach out and help someone else. Way to go, moms! Your kids are proud of you.

There is no way to list all of the good works going on out there, but let me just highlight a few. Click their links to find out more info. If you have a project you are doing, I'd love to hear about it- send me the information and I'll post it on my blog.

Stephanie has the Sweet Pea Project, in memory of her daughter Madeline. She collects blankets to donate to hospitals.

Kathryn at Expectant Hearts blog has her project, Something for Seth, where she is collecting onesies, socks and pillowcases to donate to her hospital. They just remembered Seth's 2nd birthday, but it is my understanding this is an ongoing project.

Lisa's Waterfall Angels started in memory of her son Jasper. I love the gorgeous photo she did for Gabriel.

Lea's Angel Wings memorial boutique, in memory of her son Nicholas. I love the photo of Gabriel's wings she sent me.

The on-going project of my sister and I: Aloha Remembered. If you'd like your child's name written in the sand in Hawaii we'd love to do this for you. We do charge a small amount and then donate from the profits.

And I know many of you participate in March of Dimes in memory of your children. Send me your link and I'll post it on my blog.

((Hugs)) to all moms missing their children today.
peace-
emily

Something for Seth

Kathryn from Expectant Hearts is doing a project in honor of Seth's 2 year birthday coming up March 27. Please click on over and find out how you can help her out. She is collecting items for their hospital PICU and needs all types of stuff. They can be new or gently used. Her email is kathryn.bonnett@gmail.com to contact her to get a mail to address.

I continue to be amazed by the strength, and generosity of grieving moms. What a wonderful way to remember her boy.

((hugs))
peace!
Emily

Kindness

Megan sent me this gorgeous photo of Gabriel's name written in the snow- such a surprise to find this in my inbox. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MEGAN!

The secret club none of us wanted to join

I know that after Gabriel died it seemed that I was running into pregnant women everywhere. The grocery. Church. Out running errands. And if they weren't pregnant, they often had little kids and babies. Lots of babies. Everywhere I went, seemed like.

I've heard other moms say they felt this way, as well.

What was hard to remember is that often we are also seeing moms who have had babies die. I have heard statistics that indicate that 1 out of 4 pregnancies results in a pregnancy loss. It may be as high as 1 out of 3. Crazy. Unreal.

So why do people not talk about it? Why must grieving moms feel so alone? What if there was a symbol so that we could recognize each other?

A while back I ordered some rubber band bracelets. They are very similar to the yellow 'lance armstrong' bracelets, but with different wording. The white ones say "Remembering Our Babies" and have little footprints. I have heard that dads are wearing these, as well. When it was requested to make smaller ones for siblings I ordered the pink/blue swirl ones that say "Remembering" with footprints.

I sell these bracelets on my site.

ORIGINAL bracelets are White, and debossed with the words "Remembering Our Babies". They also have a small baby feet symbol. These are an adult size. They are 8.5 inches measured around the bracelet.

PINK/BLUE SWIRL bracelets are SMALLER youth size for women with small wrists or for siblings. These say REMEMBERING and have the baby feet logo. They are 7.5 inches measured around the bracelet.

These are perfect for support groups, mementos for memory walks, or to use in fundraising. Bulk pricing is available, please email me at nickwilberg@hotmail.com. I try to keep a quantity in stock but may need to reorder depending on demand.

peace-
emily

Angel Wings Memorial Boutique

Lea from Angel Wings Memorial Boutique sent me this beautiful photo awhile ago. I absolutely love it. Thank you, Lea!

I want to point you in her direction, if you haven't visited her site already. I'm so touched to see all our children's names.

What a wonderful way to honor the love and memory of her son, Nicholas. And such a beautiful idea to help heal the heart of moms (and dads) missing their children.

peace-
emily

Just Out of Sight

My mom recently had 10 grandkids at her house on Christmas day. We were talking about how everyone had liked their presents and as we were going through the names she said “And then when Gabriel.. wait.. where did that come from?” Sometimes it feels like he is just around the corner out of sight.