Stress to Success

I'm always glad for a new year and a new chance to start fresh. There is really not a big difference between Dec 31 and Jan 1 yet it feels HUGE! Like when you are kids and playing a game and then someone messes up and yells, "Do-over!" A chance to start everything anew.

I've had this list in my desk for awhile to share with you all. I think this is a good time.

I picked up a magazine Inspiration: Hawaii's Wellness Journal when I was visiting my sister last summer. One article in particular from the July/Aug 2009 issue jumped out at me.

It is called Stress to Success- in Just 31 days and is written by Dr. John F. Demartini. I don't know that much about him or his website but I DO know about lists. I love lists. I love crossing things off lists. It makes me feel so productive. Sometimes I make lists and include things I've already done just so I can cross them off.

Stress-to-Success Secrets
On a daily basis:
1. write and read your goals
2. Clear away your goals obstacles
3. Prioritize your activities
4. Act on top priorities
5. Visualize your success
6. Write and read your affirmations
7. Practice deep breathing and stretching
8. Do selective and collective reading
9. Groom for success
10. Dress for success
11. Love what you do and do what you love
12. Surround yourself with 'succeeders'
13. Drink lots of water
14. Eat light, moderate meals
15. Reduce the 4 'addictors' (I don't know what these are and he doesn't elaborate in the list. I'm going to consider it any addictors. Like diet coke, ha.)
16. Contract and then relax all muscles
17. Help others fulfill their goals
18. Save 5-10 percent of your earnings
19. Write 3 thank you letters
20. Reward yourself for your accomplisments
21. Express feelings of love
22. Hug someone special
23. Clean and organize your environment
24. Eliminate low priority 'unnecessities'
25. Study the subject you'd love to master
26. Spend time in total meditative silence
27. Massage your body or scalp
28. Take a hot bath before retiring
29. Count your blessings with gratitude
30. Get a good night's rest
31. Follow a stress-to-success checklist

I'm going to add one (ok, two) which are pray and read scriptures.
Better go get out of my pjs if I'll be 'dressing for success' today. It is nearly noon.

peace-
emily

You Will Smile Again

Pain- has an Element of Blank-
It cannot recollect
When it began- or if there were
A time when it was not-
-Emily Dickinson

I know I found this true for me. I was grieving so hard and in so much pain that it was hard to remember that there was ever a time when I had been happy. Or to ever imagine that there might be a time when I might possibly be happy again.

And that makes it even more obnoxious and offensive when people around you go back to everyday things. Or worse, trivial, trite things.

I often read a message board on a site that is for scrapbooking, but they talk about all kind of things. And I remember there was a post "What color are your toenails painted". With like 6 pages of replies. Really? There exists a world out there where people talk about this stupid kind of thing?

And another post where the woman was upset- FURIOUS really, because her inlaws had said that for this year instead of Christmas gifts they were going to take everyone on a cruise. I remember this post was early in the year- April, May, something like that. And she was already working herself up for a family fight because instead of Christmas gifts she was going to get a free cruise. Because "she was going to be pregnant by then and wouldn't be able to drink or look cute in her bathing suit".

It took every bit of my control to not smack this lady in the head. I know so many women who wish and pray and suffer through all sorts of medical prods, pokes, pinches and examinations in the hope they will be pregnant. It isn't the kind of thing you can really SCHEDULE. And really? To get upset because you are being given a free cruise? This lady needs a dose of reality. Of perspective.

Perspective is one gift Gabriel gave to me, I think. I use to get so upset and frustrated by small stuff. And now, when I can, I really try to take a step back and think "If this is the worst thing that happens to me today it is really a pretty good day" I'm not always successful with this, but I really try.

I'm so sorry that some of us here are still in the place where it is impossible to think things will ever be 'good' again. They will. You will smile again. It definitely takes time. Hang in there.

((hugs))
peace-
emily

A new project! Need your help!

You know how you have ideas floating around in your head, maybe two or three things and then all of a sudden there is a connection and you just say, "Well, duh! Why didn't I think of that before?"

This is kind of like that.

But it is only half baked. I was going to wait until I was good and ready to go, but I'm guessing you all will have some ideas for me and maybe point out a few things I haven't yet thought of.

Here we go. I'll share my crazy thought process.

It kind of started with Kara's March Compassion Challenge and the idea that I carried through the last few weeks or so as I was having a hard time anticipating Gabriel's anniversary and Mother's Day. The idea that when I'm feeling bad I need to reach out and do something nice for someone else.

Then, I had thought to send Mother's Day cards out to anyone who wanted one. If you were one of the recipients you will see I'm not so much a crafty hand-makery kind of card person.

Someone was talking to me this week about a site that is kind of like netflixs but for greeting cards. You can use your computer to find what card you want, click and send it to someone in their mailbox. Snail mail, not an electronic greeting card. For as little as $25 you can get 10 cards that includes postage, so it is less expensive than buying the cards in the store. I found out you can have it send you reminders when special dates are coming up, which was the clincher for me because I am always thinking I'd like to send moms cards on their baby's anniversary dates but I am terrible about remembering them. (click here to find out more info, but I'll get back to this in a bit)

Then I signed up to be a Spirit Jumper- the button is on the side of my blog. I get addresses for people fighting cancer who need some well wishes and I can send a card or small gift. It cheers them up and feels good for me to do something for someone else.

But just a few minutes ago I had a 'zing!' kind of moment where I thought we need a list like this but for bereaved mom's missing their babies. Where we can send a card or small gift to someone who is having a hard time and let them know they are not alone in this.

What do you think? What should we call it? My first thought was 'send a smile' or 'sending smiles' or something like this but I'd like to hear your ideas.

Now, back to the 'sending a card with your email' thing. The more I look at this system the better I like it. You can upload your own photos to the front of the cards. You can use it to track and send cards easily and more inexpensively than store bought cards. And the BEST THING YET is we can make our own cards SPECIFICALLY for moms missing their babies.

Did anyone else have a hard time with the fact that I didn't really want a "Happy Mother's Day" card but not quite yet either a "Thinking of you on Mother's Day". Something kind of inbetween.

And you go to Hallmark and there are "Sympathy" cards and "Thinking of You" cards and "Sorry for your loss" cards and "Sorry for the loss of your pet" cards but NOTHING for "Sorry you are missing your sweet baby". Nothing that says "Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful child- I'm so sorry s/he is not with you".

Anyway, that is what my brain has been churning with and I'm working on putting it all together. Any comments? Suggestions? Ideas for names?

If anyone wants to try out the card sending system I can set up a gift account so you can send a few cards for free to give it a try. Just shoot me an email at nickwilberg@hotmail.com OR click the link and then click on the banner that says 'send a free card' and it will walk you through it.

peace-
emily

Aloha

So maybe I've mentioned my sister lives in Hawaii (mentioned it once or twice or a hundred times) and you maybe know about our site-that-shall-not-be-named where she writes our babies names for us in the sand and takes a photo. We are in the process of trying to find another name and starting up again (for now go on over to my site PregnancyLossRibbons.com but you didn't hear it from me)

I've been thinking a lot about the word "Aloha" and want to use that in our new name. Aloha is used for both 'hello' and 'goodbye', which for many of us is exactly how we greeted our babies- saying hello and goodbye at the same time.

But as I was researching it a little more I found out Aloha also means love, peace, compassion and mercy. How wonderful! One little word. Perfect.

Any ideas for new names for our new site? Nothing already trademarked, please! LOL

Aloha,
emily

Beautiful Blossoms

As I was driving out and around this morning I was struck again by the beauty of these gorgeous trees in bloom. At the fact that these blossoms are here for such a short time, and then gone. So fragile and perfect.

I made an conscious effort to stop and really look at them. Appreciate them. To not take them for granted, because one good rain or wind and they will be gone. And as the petals slowly fall to the ground it looks as if they are weeping. Symbolic for how I usually feel this time of year. 3 weeks until Gabriel's Day.

When I got home I grabbed my camera and walked down to the end of the cul-de-sac. To these gorgeous trees with the brillian blue sky in the background. I took several photos. And just stood there for a moment trying to appreciate that life is, for this minute, special and beautiful.

And then I became aware that I was standing in a pile of fresh dog do.

How's that grab you for irony?

The Cracked Pot

I heard this story today and wanted to share it with you.

A water bearer in India had two large pots,
one hung on each end of a pole which he carried
across his neck. One of the pots had a crack
in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always
delivered a full portion of water at the end
of the long walk from the stream to the
master's house. The cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master's house.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it
spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

Why?" asked the bearer.

"What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house.

Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.

But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side?

That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them.

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers
to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."

It is funny. I didn't see that ending coming. I was relating to the water carrier- toiling along day after day and only getting half of what he should.

But we are the pot- imperfect, cracked, leaky. We try our best but end with less than we think we should have.

Look around. You may be influencing those around you in spite of your defect. Or quite possibly because of it.

None of us quite know the impact we have on the world.

peace-
emily

Blah

I've been feeling kind of Blah. Bleh.

Not too inspired.

So I hate to waste your time, my loyal readers. I've been quiet in bloggieland.

But I wonder how much of this has to do with the weather. The grey skies. The cloudy, dark days. Cold.

February is hard for me- staying inside and mostly spending my days wandering from computer to kitchen wishing something delicious and chocolaty had magically appeared. Or that the laundry has done itself.

The house elves have let me down. Where are you when I need you, Dobby?

Earlier this week we had a big snow storm- and I do love a good snowstorm! Here in Maryland if we get more than half an inch it closes the schools and shuts everything down. Like I need a reason to stay in my pajamas and drinking hot chocolate and cancel my big time plans of wandering around Target.

Monday we got about 6 inches of snow. So beautiful to watch it coming down. So pretty covering everything. I love love love a good snow storm.

Then, by Friday we had 70 degree weather. GORGEOUS! We spent a lot of the weekend outside. My kid even wore shorts to school today- he is probably jumping the gun, but as I say the house elves have been shirking their laundry duty. It may have been all he had clean.

And as I sit here thinking about it, it is a pretty good analagy for my life. Long dark days. Sadness, purposelessness. But then I am given a glimpse that better days are coming. Sunny skies. The little green shoots of early crocus, tulips and daffodils pushing through the dirt. Like little blooms of hope, peeking through.

I am a little scared that the cold dark days are not done.. but hopeful that warm gentle days are ahead, not too far away.

Hold on..
It gets better. It gets easier. It does.

peace-
emily