Tuesday, November 17, 2009

We Are Not Alone- April 09 Newsletter

When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding.
- Helen Keller

My sister lives on the windward shore of Hawaii. She and her friend Crash took their children 'fishing'. They get a few nets, a big bucket of water and have a grand old time.

My nephew was walking along, struggling to carry this big bucket of water. And Crash offered to help him. After carrying it a bit she looked inside to see how many fish there were. None. Not a one. So she suggested maybe they could dump out the water and fill it up when they got closer to the fishing spot.

So many people are carrying burdens unnecessarily. Maybe we can help carry their bucket. Or encourage them to dump some of it.

We now belong to this club none of us wanted to join. I'm comforted to know there are people out there who understand. Who share my sorrow. Who can help carry my bucket, or to give me perspective on how to dump some of it. It makes all the difference in the world.

When Gabriel was born, before I was discharged from the hospital, I was given a business card for a grief counselor. I remember turning to my husband and saying "What good does talking about it do?" Now I know. Talking about it is all I can do. Every time I share Gabriel's story, I strengthen my identity as 'Gabriel's mom'.

I spend a lot of time reading other people's stories. On message boards and in books. And I appreciate everyone who reaches out to me. It helps so much to know I'm not alone in all of this. To know that no matter what I'm thinking or feeling it is normal. I'm not crazy. Or if I am, we all are.

I am now on the slippery slope of less than a month to Gabriel's Day. May 10th. Which happens to fall on Mother's Day this year. A double whammy. I hope this next month is gentle for all of us mommies missing our children.


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