Tuesday, October 27, 2009

From a grieving mom

I received a very touching email from Holly. She said I could share it with you in the hopes that it may help someone else possibly feeling the same way to know they aren't alone. I appreciate so much her willingness to reach out. ((hugs)) to Holly. We are remembering your baby with you.


I stumbled upon your blog several months ago after I miscarried, and I thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings out there for so many of us looking for something to help us cope. Though every day is still a struggle for me, I find a small amount of comfort knowing I'm not the only one to experience this deep loss and struggle with its aftermath.

The hardest thing for me at this point is that it has been three months since I miscarried, and hardly anyone knows, making me feel as though I have no where to turn for help or comfort. We didn't want to spread the news until we heard a heartbeat. That day never came. My husband's parents and a select few of my girlfriends knew of our pregnancy, and when it ended no one would talk about it. No one called, no one emailed, no one came to our house to check on us. It was as if it never happened. In the weeks that followed a few calls came in. "I just wanted to give you your space, your privacy..." That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted, and still want, someone to tell me they are sorry, that they understand, that they would love to just come over and talk. Anything. I wish the whole dang world knew so I could at least feel like I can show how I feel on the inside, instead of trying to put on a happy face every day. I hate it. I feel like I act my way through every day, holding in my feelings and watching everyone else's lives progress while I feel like I'm at a standstill. Even my husband has moved on and doesn't understand why I still feel so horrible about our loss.

Not only that, but my best friend and I were due at the same time. She is still pregnant and has found out the gender of her baby. She's completely quit talking to me, and right now, as horrible as it feels and sounds, I'm glad. I hate it that she gets what we both wanted, and here I am in agony every day while she paints her nursery and picks out names.

I have finally arranged some counseling that I will begin in November. I have my reservations about talking to a stranger about this, as having a friend or loved one to speak to would be more comfortable. I just don't know any other avenues to take to help myself when no one knows I need the help.

If you can use this for your writing on your blog, please do. There may be a woman out there who is in the exact same situation and doesn't know where to go or what to do next.

Again, thank you for sharing your story.


ter@waaoms said...


I'm sorry for your loss.

Ter said...


I'm sorry for your loss. :(

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Holly if your reading this I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. I want you to know that my heart is heavy with your sorrow. I would love to send you a handkerchief from my For Your Tears blog.
http://wwwforyourtears.blogspot.com/ you can also email me with your full name and address
I am so happy that you found Stepping Stones. Take care & God Bless. ((HUGS))

Unknown said...

Holly, I'm sorry you aren't feeling support right now. You definitely aren't alone in this. Sending you ((hugs))

Unknown said...

Holly, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find some way to heal. Not to forget, but to walk down the road a bit farther then you were before. Somedays on this road are darker then others, you have lots of "new" friends on this road some just a head some a bit behinde you. You will end up having more lighter days soon. Much love and you will be in my prayers.

corilee said...

I too am so sorry for your loss. As I read your letter, it looks like something that I could have written. I miscarried 7 months ago and I am still at a standstill on most days. We all understand because we all have been there and some of us are still there. You aren't alone. Most days I still "hate" all pregnant people including family members.

Me said...

...I feel the same way.

Me said...


Today I posted on my blog what has/is helping me deal with my miscarriages. If any of it will help anyone else, you can use it.


Ruthykins said...

when i lost my daughter a lady in my church reached out to me. i didn't even know that she had lost a baby. helping others is one way of healing. i hope you don't know anybody around you who has lost a baby, but if you do you should reach out to them and let them know that you know what they are going through. the lady and i have since become fairly good friends

Holly said...

This is Holly. Thank you Emily for posting the email I sent you. Thank you all so much for your ((hugs)) and support. I'm sorry some of us are in the same boat, but is reassuring to hear I'm not alone in feeling this way.