Wishing you a peaceful 2013: January Newsletter

"If you are going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill "Whatever you are, be a good one." Abraham Lincoln "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein I feel like I've been in a funk. My life is changing, evolving. So many good things happened last year for me- and yet, I've been bogged down these last few months. I had every intention of sending you a message to help you through the holidays. Instead, it was me who needed to shut down. I'm sorry I left you to your own devices. I hope the holidays were peaceful and gentle for you. With the flip of the calendar I feel re-energized. I love the new year- it feels like a clean slate, a chance to start over. A do- over. One of my resolutions is to clear my mind, my body, and my life of clutter. To get rid of things that are weighing me down. No more pinterest and comparing myself to all those moms out there who are making their kids healthy lunches that are shaped like cartoon characters. Switching over to digital scrapbooking to clean out my basement of all the paper and ribbon that taunt me. No more closet full of clothes I don't wear and don't even like that much.No junk food. No soda and sugar. Clean. Healthy, Strong, Focused. I've tried to figure out where my website fits into all of this. Every time someone orders my bracelets and scrapbooking quotes it means that another one of our children is gone. It's horrible. But... I feel grateful to be able to help even one person navigate their loss a little more smoothly. Could I be doing more? I need to post on my blog more- it is at the top of my to-do list every single week: STEPPING STONES. And yet... what to say? What do I have that anyone wants to hear? I'm working on refocusing and, well, reorganizing my brain, to be honest. What I have to share is this: a glimpse into the life of someone who may be a little further down the road. I'm not perfect. I have down days (or weeks). But overall, I'm moving forward to be better and stronger than I was the day before. I've decided to re-vamp my site a little bit. I am still "Stepping Stones, a path to healing after the loss of a child" but I'd like to add "a path TO HEALTH and healing after the loss of a child" Give me a week or two to gather my thoughts and focus my ideas and I will send another newsletter. For now, let me just say I want to wish you a very gentle day. emily

"Merry" Christmas

Gee, I stink at this blogging thing. I have not posted much this year. I'm not sure why- busy, I guess? And the fact that my time on the computer is rare these days. In any case, I wanted to wish you a 'Happy' Holiday season. For me, I mostly want to have a quiet and peaceful time with my family. I usually participate in a giving tree, and pick a boy Gabriel's age to buy a gift for. I light a candle to remember him. I exchange cards with some moms I have met who also are missing their babies. What kinds of traditions do you do? Do you do anything special in honor of your child?

This came across my inbox today and I wanted to share it. I absolutely am not telling you to SHAKE IT OFF that your baby died. I am glad for the reminder that each trial I have makes me who I am and I can let them bury me or I can let them lift me. I have grown and changed so much by Gabriel's short life. I still think of him every day and hope I am the kind of person he would be proud to call 'Mom' One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, th e donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! MORAL : Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Wishing you all a gentle Mother's Day- I hope it is a peaceful day for you. I'm so glad this week is nearly over; it's been a tough one.

My mom is visiting my sister in Hawaii to help her with the move and they did one last sandname for me. I love it. Aloha

Happy Birthday, Gabriel. 10 years. Sigh. I think of him as a baby but he would be getting big. A quiet day... My husband took the day off and watched my daycare kids so I could stay in my PJs until noon and then I went out for a massage and pedicure. This evening we went to our 'normal' spot (a nearby church cemetery) and let a balloon go and ate brownies. This year we also blew bubbles. It was sweet.

S.K. sent me this email:
The best advice and the most hope I gathered after the death of my baby was my psychiatrist's candid and loving response: "You will never get over this; but in time the pain will hopefully lessen and fade away."

The minute he uttered those words, "you will never get over this," I immediately felt a large boulder fall away from my shoulders. Not much later, I realized he had given me permission to feel and hold my grief and cherish it so that I might someday leave it and heal.

Five Art Exhibit in Lancaster, PA

If you are within driving distance, join us for a community reception at the Mulberry Art Studios in Lancaster, Pennsylvania January 15 from 1-4 for the art exhibit Five. Stephanie organized this to honor her daughter, Madeline, who would have turned five this week.

All of the artists are parents who have had a child die. My husband is one of the participating artists with a sketch he did of me.

You can see a newsclip by clicking here.

You can read more about the Five art exhibit and Stephanie's Sweet Pea Project by clicking here.

Dr. Joanne Cacciatore from the MISS Foundation has said it so well on her blog.

MISS Foundation families were shocked to hear the comments issued from Alan Colmes on Fox News on January 2, 2012. Mr. Colmes’ reference to Mr. Santorum's baby who died, and his desire to spend time with the baby's body during the postmortem period, as "crazy"

If you are as disturbed by this event as I am click here to read Joanne's complete post.

((hugs))

Reminded over and over again today that I should have an almost 10 year old. Holidays are hard. ((hugs to all of us)) and Merry Christmas

From Stephanie over at Sweet Pea Project
In keeping with the spirit of giving, Sweet Pea Project will light a candle at the five art exhibit for the first 100 parents who make a request on Christmas Day, no donation necessary. To request a candle please email your child's name to Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org with the word Candle as the subject. We are unable to take requests any other way, so please do not reply to this post or send a message via facebook. For more info on the candles, please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/five/candle. Thank you for allowing us the privilege of honoring your child.

The Duggars have gotten such negative feedback about the photos of their stillborn daughter, Jubilee. I wanted to post this well written piece from someone who 'gets it.'

Do you have photos of your child? We have a few hastily snapped polaroids that the hospital nurse took. I do not display them, but am glad I have them. I wish I had thought or knew to take some that would be easier to look at, like a photo of me holding his hand. You do the best you can at the time.

Christmas Card Exchange

Does anyone want to participate in a Christmas Card exchange? If you would like to, please email me at nick wilberg at hotmail dot com with your name (how you'd like the envelope addressed) and address and your baby's name. I'll take names until Saturday, Dec. 17, and then send the list out to all participants.

((hugs))
emily

Christmas Cards

Do you do something special with your Christmas cards to include your baby? I have seen cards with baby angels on them, and I know some people include their baby's name in their signature or stamp it with a special stamp (a little star or heart) to include their child. What do you do?

Sending ((hugs)) to the Duggar Family who lost baby Jubilee this week during the second trimester.

Stephanie at the Sweet Pea Project has a lot going on over there. One thing she invited all to participate in is the 'community expressions wall' during the five art exhibit.

Here is the info:
In January 2012 Stephanie Paige Cole's newest art exhibit, five, will open at Mulberry Art Studios. Te exhibit features Stephanie's work as well as pieces from many other talented artists, all bereaved parents themselves. And we would like to invite you to participate as well, by creating a simple piece for our community expression wall.

You do not need to have an artistic talent to participate, all you need is your love for your child, your honesty, and a piece of paper.

The community expression wall will consist of the honest expressions of the hearts of individuals from across the globe. It is my hope that it will give non-bereaved guests a glimpse into our experience. If you would like to contribute, please read the instructions below. For full details about this exhibit please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/five.

Submission Instructions for Community Expressions Wall
On a 3x5 index card, respond to one of the following:
1. How are you, really?
2. This is my love
3. This is my grief
Children may participate by drawing pictures on 3x5 sized paper

You may answer with words or pictures using any materials you wish. It can be as simple as a single word written in sharpie or as elaborate as your imagination allows. You may send in multiple submissions.

All submissions must be 3x5. Mail your piece(s) to us at Sweet Pea Project PO Box 10351 Lancaster, PA 17605. If you would like your piece(s) returned to you at the end of the exhibit, please be sure to write your name on the back and include a self-addressed, stamped envelope.

Submissions must be recieved by January 1st, or delivered to the gallery in person on January 15th during the reception.

Thank you so very much for sharing yourself with us.