Spreading awareness

Julie C just emailed me a suggestion- to change your facebook photo to a candle or awareness ribbon for tomorrow, Oct. 15. How awesome is that? As a matter of fact I'm going to go do that right now.

Thanks, Julie!

I'd love to hear what else you all are doing to spread awareness- such creativity and good works going on in memory of our little ones. ;0)

Hope today is gentle for you!
peace-
emily

October Newsletter 2010

...The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October, as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.


NOW, THEREFORE, I RONALD REAGAN, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities...

(taken from the 1988 Presidential Proclaimation)


With all the publicity and marketing of Breast Cancer Awareness, it is not really a shocker to me that people are unaware it is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. We are overlooked. At times I feel I have way too much 'awareness' of this topic, but I do know too well that the silence surrounding my baby's death is often the hardest part of it to take. The fact that it is taboo to talk about it. Like we are morbid or obsessed if we mention our child's name.

There is a school of thought that "Pregnancy and Infant Loss" is an offensive term. That it is used by medical personnel to give distance to the fact that it was a baby that died, NOT a pregnancy that was lost. I do see that point. But I'm not sure I have an opinion on this topic. As long as people are TALKING about it, I'm not so concerned about the 'phraseology'. I debated a long time about naming my site 'PregnancyLossRibbons.com' for just this reason, but decided ultimately that I wanted people to be able to find me and this is the most common term in use currently. Call it whatever you need to- there is no wrong way to grieve.

So how to spread awareness? Well, sometimes I am stronger than other times. Sometimes I have more energy for this, and other times I am using all my energy to just get myself out of bed in the morning. But I do have some easy suggestions, if you find yourself with the desire to do something. Wear a pink & blue ribbon. Do a kindness project and leave a note explaining it was done in your baby's memory. Particiate in a memory walk or balloon release. Write or call your tv station, radio station or newspaper. Put a cling on your car window. Tie a pink and blue ribbon around your tree or doorknob. Use pink and blue tape on your envelopes when you mail your bills this month. Donate some rubber band bracelets to your doctor's office or hospital. And do not feel guilty that you did not do more.

Another thing you can participate in (and invite others to particiate in) is the Wave of Light being held this Friday, October 15th at 7 p.m. If we all light our candles at 7 pm our time zone we will have a continuous wave of light around the world.

I had an email from Jess, sharing her stepping stones with us. Thanks for letting me post this, Jess!! ((hugs))


The thing that was the most helpful for me has been meeting other women through Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope or from reading there blogs. And also from starting my own blog. With my first miscarriage (my second was 2 weeks ago and my first was 2/11/10) I did not want to be judged so I kept quiet like unfortunately most women do.

What was the most difficult was going through my second D & C - I cried from the minute I entered the pre-surgery area. People kept asking why I was so upset. I thought it should be rather obvious! The second which was the reason why I was so quiet the first time was people's reactions when I told them I had a miscarriage. They looked horrified! I was so offended. I am the one going through this not them - how dare they look offended because of my pain! I still can't get over that. Now I have a blog and I could care less. If it bothers them then they better not talk to me (lol) because these are my children and I will talk about them whenever I want to! The Sunday before Oct. 15th I am singing "I will carry you" by Selah at church and putting up a powerpoint of the words with the dates of my angels and the date of pregnancy loss awareness day. I am praying that nothing happens that will upset me. I mean I am SURE I will cry when I am done with the song (hopefully not during though) but I hope no one acts appalled.

"My hands are full"

We recently took a roadtrip down to Florida and did all the things you do in Florida-get sunburned, eat oranges, go to the beach, Disney, and snorkeling. It was a good trip. I was thinking about Gabriel a ton because it was nearly identical to the trip we had planned (and ended up taking) 2 weeks after Gabriel was stillborn. I felt a little like he was looking over my shoulder.

Now, let me tell you for a second about my kids. I have 2 older ones who are now in their teens. They were 3-4 when Gabriel died. And we waited years after his death before I could bear to think about trying again. And so there is a 8 year gap before my younger 2. I think it is fitting that hole is in my family. Because there IS a hole in my family.

People often comment on my kids. Either the "Oh, 2 boys and 2 girls- perfect!" which of course isn't perfect, there is supposed to be 3 boys. OR they ask about the 8 year gap. I usually just smile and thank them.

But I had a conversation with a lady that started kind of differently. I think that is why it caught me off guard, kind of.

Lady: "So, are these all your kids or are you babysitting or something?"
Me: "They are all mine"
Lady: "Wow!"
Me: "Yep" (they were running like lunatics through the parking lot at the Wild Bird Rescue Center)
Lady: "You sure have your hands full"
Me: "Well, that is better than having my hands empty"


Just kidding. That's what I wished I had said. What I actually said was,
Me: "Yep, in the best way possible"

Not a day goes by I still don't miss my little boy.
I hope today is gentle for you
peace-
emily

If you're in the Lancaster, PA area

A few events hosted by Stephanie over at the Sweet Pea Project

Sweet Pea Project Plans Events for National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month October is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and Sweet Pea Project has planned two events to raise awareness in the community and offer support to those who have suffered the profound and permanent loss of a child. Sweet Pea Project kicks off the month with Kids Cookie Creation Station, a three day long family-friendly event to be held as part of Downtown Lancaster's Art Walk at Mulberry Art Studios. This "decorate your own cookie" event is a great way to have some creative and delicious fun while supporting an important cause. Cookies are $2 a piece and 100% of the proceeds benefit Sweet Pea Project. Event hours are: Friday, October 1st from 5pm until 8pm; Saturday, October 2nd from 10am until 6pm and Sunday, October 3rd from 11am until 5pm. Mulberry Art Studios is located at 21 North Mulberry Street, Lancaster. More information is available online at www.sweetpeaproject.org/cookie

On October 15, Sweet Pea Project invites families who have lost a baby to gather together for the First Annual Balloon Release in observance of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The Balloon Release will take place in the grassy field in front of the amphitheater at Long's Park in Lancaster. The Sweet Pea Project team will be handing out balloons from 5pm until 5:45pm and the balloons will be released promptly at 6pm. Attendees are encouraged to arrive early and personalize their balloons. 100% compostable seed paper will be provided for family members to write notes to their child. The notes will be inserted into the balloons so that when the balloon bursts, the notes will be reclaimed by the earth and sprout wildflowers. Sweet Pea Project has taken precautions to make sure that this is an eco-friendly event. For this reason, no balloons other than Sweet Pea Project issued balloons will be permitted. Biodegradable balloons will be provided for free. There is no cost for this event and no registration is required. This event has inspired bereaved parents to plan similar gatherings across the world, including two in Australia. More information is available at www.sweetpeaproject.org/balloon

Sweet Pea Project is a local organization that offers comfort, support and gentle guidance to families who have experienced the death of a child before, during or shortly after birth. Sweet Pea Project was founded in January 2009 by Stephanie Cole, whose own daughter Madeline was stillborn in January 2007. Through her work at the project, Stephanie honors her daughter's short but precious life while reaching out to other bereaved parents. Sweet Pea Project has recently filed paperwork to become a federally recognized nonprofit and now includes board members Beth Gauthier, Nicole Spadea Jackson and Simone L. Lee. To learn more about how Sweet Pea Project is working to create a more compassionate community, please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org.

Sweet Pea Project is very grateful for all the support that they have received from the community. Kids Cookie Creation Station is sponsored in part by Mulberry Art Studios, Baby's Silkie and La Terra Bakery. Sweet Pea Project's First Annual Balloon Release is sponsored in part by Baby's Silkie, Charles F. Snyder Funeral Home and a private donation by Madeline Cole's great-grandparents, John and Marie Gallagher.

Patches the Bear

I had a visit from sweet Patches the Bear. You can read more about his adventures on his blog www.patchesthebear.blogspot.com

I appreciated him dropping in, because all of my siblings and their kids were here- 16 cousins in all. I liked that Patches could represent my Gabriel.

((hugs)) to all
emily

To the Fathers

I wish you a peaceful and gentle father's day. We know you try to be strong for us; we appreciate the love and support you give us. We hope that today is gentle for you. We love you. ((hugs)) to the dads out there missing their kids.

For all of us Mothers-

“The moment a child is (conceived and) born,
the mother is also (conceived and) born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.”

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
(Indian Spiritual leader, 1931-1990)

I added the (conceived and)

The moment you find out you are pregnant you start loving and making plans for your child. You ARE a mom- I'm so sorry you child is not with you today.

I'm wishing all of you a gentle and peaceful Mother's Day

peace-
emily

True History of Mother's Day

I'm lifting this from Kara Jones post over at FaveCraftsBlog- to read her whole post click here. And if you have a few minutes, visit Kara's blogs MotherHenna.com and Kota:Knowing Ourselves Through Art



...They were handing out fliers sharing the writing of Julia Ward Howe, first published in 1870 as a protest against the carnage and violence of the Civil War. This was a protest led by women whose sons had died! Bereaved mothers started this tradition of Mothers Day! In the beginning, this was a day of protest, an expression of horrified grief from bereaved mothers who were parted from their sons!! Wow. Okay. That’s a different spin.

So what did Julia have to say back in 1870? You read and see for yourself:

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!

Say firmly: “We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.

We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says “Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”

Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God.

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality may be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.

Julia Ward Howe
Boston
1870

Mothers Day came as an answer to Julia’s proclamation. It started as a ceremony of bereavement and then as a movement for peace and action to stop the senseless deaths of children everywhere. Our society can commercialize all they want. Because in my heart of hearts I know the real meaning of this day came from pain, loss, and grief — the same things I am prone to feel on any given Mothers Day. And from now on, when people urge me to celebrate the day, I tell them this:

I’ll celebrate with you if you will first mourn with me. It is the combination of the two that lends itself to the true meaning of Mothers Day!

Shakespeare's Hamnet

I found out something interesting. Did you know Shakespeare had a son, Hamnet, who died at age 11? Shakespeare had been writing comedies, but switched to writing his great tragedies in the years following his son's death. Within a few years, he wrote Hamlet. Really adds a whole new twist to the 'To be, or not to be' speech, doesn't it?

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

and, from King Lear, where he recognizes his daughter is dead:
No, no, no life!
Why should a dog, a horse, a rat, have life,
And thou no breath at all? Thou'lt come no more,
Never, never, never, never, never!

Cards for Mother's Day

I know Mother's Day can be tough for those of us missing our children, especially if is your only child who has died. I'd like to send a card to anyone who would like one. Please email your snail mail address to me at emily wilberg at gmail dot com.

((hugs)
peace!
emily

Good Works and Creativity- April newsletter

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you,
I could walk forever in my garden. ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi

Chance is always powerful, let your hook always be cast;
in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.
~Ovid

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~Maori Proverb



Have I really not sent an email for almost 3 months! Oh, my. Sorry about that.

I have a hard time in the spring. It is beautiful, with all the trees in bloom and little shoots of hopeful flowers peeking out of the mud. But the change in temperature reminds me that it will soon be May. Gabriel was stillborn the week of Mother's Day. I feel myself wanting to curl up in a ball and go to bed.

And so, I try to look outside of myself. To motivate myself to do some good in the world. At least for the weeks leading up to Gabriel's day I try to give to others. On his day itself I allow myself to shut down and make it all about me, but for the next few weeks I try to give.

I have heard the idea of creating our children's legacy. The idea that our kids are not here to create their own legacies themselves, so we have the responsibility to do it for them. By our kindness projects and acts of service.

I am always amazed by the generosity and creativity of grieving moms. That in the midst of their grief, they are able to reach out and help someone else. Way to go, moms! Your kids are proud of you.

There is no way to list all of the good works going on out there, but let me just highlight a few. Click their links to find out more info. If you have a project you are doing, I'd love to hear about it- send me the information and I'll post it on my blog.

Stephanie has the Sweet Pea Project, in memory of her daughter Madeline. She collects blankets to donate to hospitals.

Kathryn at Expectant Hearts blog has her project, Something for Seth, where she is collecting onesies, socks and pillowcases to donate to her hospital. They just remembered Seth's 2nd birthday, but it is my understanding this is an ongoing project.

Lisa's Waterfall Angels started in memory of her son Jasper. I love the gorgeous photo she did for Gabriel.

Lea's Angel Wings memorial boutique, in memory of her son Nicholas. I love the photo of Gabriel's wings she sent me.

The on-going project of my sister and I: Aloha Remembered. If you'd like your child's name written in the sand in Hawaii we'd love to do this for you. We do charge a small amount and then donate from the profits.

And I know many of you participate in March of Dimes in memory of your children. Send me your link and I'll post it on my blog.

((Hugs)) to all moms missing their children today.
peace-
emily

Something for Seth

Kathryn from Expectant Hearts is doing a project in honor of Seth's 2 year birthday coming up March 27. Please click on over and find out how you can help her out. She is collecting items for their hospital PICU and needs all types of stuff. They can be new or gently used. Her email is kathryn.bonnett@gmail.com to contact her to get a mail to address.

I continue to be amazed by the strength, and generosity of grieving moms. What a wonderful way to remember her boy.

((hugs))
peace!
Emily

Lisa Leonard necklace giveaway TODAY

Run right over and CLICK HERE to enter to win one of these beautiful'marked by love' necklaces. While you're over there take a look at all her other gorgeous jewelry. GOOD LUCK!

Save the date: April 23, 2010

I wanted to throw this out there for any of you close enough to participate:

Share of Lancaster is having their 4th Annual Benefit Dinner & Auction: A Creative Exploration of Grief
Friday, April 23, 2010
6 p.m. - 10 p.m.




The keynote speaker is one of my very favorite people Kara Jones, of Mother Henna and KotaPress Very early in my grief journey I discovered her blogs and her ideas on Continued parenting. I am thrilled I'll be able to meet her in person.

This event is being hosted at Mulberry Art Studios in Lancaster. I happen to know that is code to say that Stephanie Cole of the Sweet Pea Project is involved in this as well. Another one of my all time favorite folks.

It is a benefit dinner and the cost of $50 includes buffet dinner. For more information or for an invite, e-mail shannon_zimmerman@comcast.net.

If you think you'll be going, send me an email. I'll be attending by myself and would love to meet up with any of ya'll

peace-
emily