I love this site- what gorgeous photos and what a wonderful idea. I am constantly amazed by the creativity and generosity of fellow angel moms. ((hugs)) to us all.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Waterfall Angels
I love this site- what gorgeous photos and what a wonderful idea. I am constantly amazed by the creativity and generosity of fellow angel moms. ((hugs)) to us all.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Kindness
Megan sent me this gorgeous photo of Gabriel's name written in the snow- such a surprise to find this in my inbox. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MEGAN!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The secret club none of us wanted to join
I know that after Gabriel died it seemed that I was running into pregnant women everywhere. The grocery. Church. Out running errands. And if they weren't pregnant, they often had little kids and babies. Lots of babies. Everywhere I went, seemed like.
I've heard other moms say they felt this way, as well.
What was hard to remember is that often we are also seeing moms who have had babies die. I have heard statistics that indicate that 1 out of 4 pregnancies results in a pregnancy loss. It may be as high as 1 out of 3. Crazy. Unreal.
So why do people not talk about it? Why must grieving moms feel so alone? What if there was a symbol so that we could recognize each other?
A while back I ordered some rubber band bracelets. They are very similar to the yellow 'lance armstrong' bracelets, but with different wording. The white ones say "Remembering Our Babies" and have little footprints. I have heard that dads are wearing these, as well. When it was requested to make smaller ones for siblings I ordered the pink/blue swirl ones that say "Remembering" with footprints.
I sell these bracelets on my site.
ORIGINAL bracelets are White, and debossed with the words "Remembering Our Babies". They also have a small baby feet symbol. These are an adult size. They are 8.5 inches measured around the bracelet.
PINK/BLUE SWIRL bracelets are SMALLER youth size for women with small wrists or for siblings. These say REMEMBERING and have the baby feet logo. They are 7.5 inches measured around the bracelet.
These are perfect for support groups, mementos for memory walks, or to use in fundraising. Bulk pricing is available, please email me at nickwilberg@hotmail.com. I try to keep a quantity in stock but may need to reorder depending on demand.
peace-
emily
I've heard other moms say they felt this way, as well.
What was hard to remember is that often we are also seeing moms who have had babies die. I have heard statistics that indicate that 1 out of 4 pregnancies results in a pregnancy loss. It may be as high as 1 out of 3. Crazy. Unreal.
So why do people not talk about it? Why must grieving moms feel so alone? What if there was a symbol so that we could recognize each other?
A while back I ordered some rubber band bracelets. They are very similar to the yellow 'lance armstrong' bracelets, but with different wording. The white ones say "Remembering Our Babies" and have little footprints. I have heard that dads are wearing these, as well. When it was requested to make smaller ones for siblings I ordered the pink/blue swirl ones that say "Remembering" with footprints.
I sell these bracelets on my site.
ORIGINAL bracelets are White, and debossed with the words "Remembering Our Babies". They also have a small baby feet symbol. These are an adult size. They are 8.5 inches measured around the bracelet.
PINK/BLUE SWIRL bracelets are SMALLER youth size for women with small wrists or for siblings. These say REMEMBERING and have the baby feet logo. They are 7.5 inches measured around the bracelet.
These are perfect for support groups, mementos for memory walks, or to use in fundraising. Bulk pricing is available, please email me at nickwilberg@hotmail.com. I try to keep a quantity in stock but may need to reorder depending on demand.
peace-
emily
Friday, January 15, 2010
A Year to Live
So I started poking around on the wonderful blog at BCelebrated and found this Year to Live. What an eye opener. My word of the year is ACTIVE and I've been trying to get off my butt and do some stuff I want to do. But this takes it to a whole new level.
The idea is that many people, when diagnosed with a terminal illness live life more fully than they ever did before. So you can join the experiment to live 2010 as if it is your last year to live.
Now, I'm not going to quit my job and spend the year at Disney. But I am going to take this as a reminder to savor each day. Hug my family more. Waste less time worrying about my pant size.
To join, click here.
Time for me to go get off the computer and DO SOME GOOD
peace!
Emily
The idea is that many people, when diagnosed with a terminal illness live life more fully than they ever did before. So you can join the experiment to live 2010 as if it is your last year to live.
Now, I'm not going to quit my job and spend the year at Disney. But I am going to take this as a reminder to savor each day. Hug my family more. Waste less time worrying about my pant size.
To join, click here.
Time for me to go get off the computer and DO SOME GOOD
peace!
Emily
BCelebrated
I have 2 posts about this site and it is kind of a chicken and egg.. which one do I post first? So read them both together please and save me agonizing over it any more.
Debra emailed me and invited me to check out her site BCelebrated.com It is a site to 'Celebrate your life, now and forever.'
Basically you create a page for yourself. You upload photos, your life story, poems, music. You can enter contacts. When you die your list is contacted and your page is a place for loved ones to come celebrate your life.
I have played around with it just a little bit, but can tell you that although it seems kind of morbid, it is actually very comforting to me.
For one thing, you can write private letters to family members. I love this idea.
You can also put instructions for family to follow after you die. And this important to me. Although I don't like to think about dying, it isn't as scary to me as it maybe once was. I know I'll see Gabriel again and he is waiting for me. But one thing I absolutely want to happen is when I am buried I want Gabriel's ashes buried with me and his name also on my gravestone. So he is always with his mommy.
Debra was kind enough to set up a discount code for us. STONES will give you 75% OFF the membership. You can purchase as many as you like for friends and family. So you get $100 site for only $25.00.
Thanks, Debra!
peace-
emily
Debra emailed me and invited me to check out her site BCelebrated.com It is a site to 'Celebrate your life, now and forever.'
Basically you create a page for yourself. You upload photos, your life story, poems, music. You can enter contacts. When you die your list is contacted and your page is a place for loved ones to come celebrate your life.
I have played around with it just a little bit, but can tell you that although it seems kind of morbid, it is actually very comforting to me.
For one thing, you can write private letters to family members. I love this idea.
You can also put instructions for family to follow after you die. And this important to me. Although I don't like to think about dying, it isn't as scary to me as it maybe once was. I know I'll see Gabriel again and he is waiting for me. But one thing I absolutely want to happen is when I am buried I want Gabriel's ashes buried with me and his name also on my gravestone. So he is always with his mommy.
Debra was kind enough to set up a discount code for us. STONES will give you 75% OFF the membership. You can purchase as many as you like for friends and family. So you get $100 site for only $25.00.
Thanks, Debra!
peace-
emily
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Angel Wings Memorial Boutique
Lea from Angel Wings Memorial Boutique sent me this beautiful photo awhile ago. I absolutely love it. Thank you, Lea!
I want to point you in her direction, if you haven't visited her site already. I'm so touched to see all our children's names.
What a wonderful way to honor the love and memory of her son, Nicholas. And such a beautiful idea to help heal the heart of moms (and dads) missing their children.
peace-
emily
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Happy Birthday, Madeline
Thank you, Stephanie, for sharing this beautiful announcement for your sweet Madeline's birthday. We are remembering her today with you.
Stress to Success
I'm always glad for a new year and a new chance to start fresh. There is really not a big difference between Dec 31 and Jan 1 yet it feels HUGE! Like when you are kids and playing a game and then someone messes up and yells, "Do-over!" A chance to start everything anew.
I've had this list in my desk for awhile to share with you all. I think this is a good time.
I picked up a magazine Inspiration: Hawaii's Wellness Journal when I was visiting my sister last summer. One article in particular from the July/Aug 2009 issue jumped out at me.
It is called Stress to Success- in Just 31 days and is written by Dr. John F. Demartini. I don't know that much about him or his website but I DO know about lists. I love lists. I love crossing things off lists. It makes me feel so productive. Sometimes I make lists and include things I've already done just so I can cross them off.
Stress-to-Success Secrets
On a daily basis:
1. write and read your goals
2. Clear away your goals obstacles
3. Prioritize your activities
4. Act on top priorities
5. Visualize your success
6. Write and read your affirmations
7. Practice deep breathing and stretching
8. Do selective and collective reading
9. Groom for success
10. Dress for success
11. Love what you do and do what you love
12. Surround yourself with 'succeeders'
13. Drink lots of water
14. Eat light, moderate meals
15. Reduce the 4 'addictors' (I don't know what these are and he doesn't elaborate in the list. I'm going to consider it any addictors. Like diet coke, ha.)
16. Contract and then relax all muscles
17. Help others fulfill their goals
18. Save 5-10 percent of your earnings
19. Write 3 thank you letters
20. Reward yourself for your accomplisments
21. Express feelings of love
22. Hug someone special
23. Clean and organize your environment
24. Eliminate low priority 'unnecessities'
25. Study the subject you'd love to master
26. Spend time in total meditative silence
27. Massage your body or scalp
28. Take a hot bath before retiring
29. Count your blessings with gratitude
30. Get a good night's rest
31. Follow a stress-to-success checklist
I'm going to add one (ok, two) which are pray and read scriptures.
Better go get out of my pjs if I'll be 'dressing for success' today. It is nearly noon.
peace-
emily
I've had this list in my desk for awhile to share with you all. I think this is a good time.
I picked up a magazine Inspiration: Hawaii's Wellness Journal when I was visiting my sister last summer. One article in particular from the July/Aug 2009 issue jumped out at me.
It is called Stress to Success- in Just 31 days and is written by Dr. John F. Demartini. I don't know that much about him or his website but I DO know about lists. I love lists. I love crossing things off lists. It makes me feel so productive. Sometimes I make lists and include things I've already done just so I can cross them off.
Stress-to-Success Secrets
On a daily basis:
1. write and read your goals
2. Clear away your goals obstacles
3. Prioritize your activities
4. Act on top priorities
5. Visualize your success
6. Write and read your affirmations
7. Practice deep breathing and stretching
8. Do selective and collective reading
9. Groom for success
10. Dress for success
11. Love what you do and do what you love
12. Surround yourself with 'succeeders'
13. Drink lots of water
14. Eat light, moderate meals
15. Reduce the 4 'addictors' (I don't know what these are and he doesn't elaborate in the list. I'm going to consider it any addictors. Like diet coke, ha.)
16. Contract and then relax all muscles
17. Help others fulfill their goals
18. Save 5-10 percent of your earnings
19. Write 3 thank you letters
20. Reward yourself for your accomplisments
21. Express feelings of love
22. Hug someone special
23. Clean and organize your environment
24. Eliminate low priority 'unnecessities'
25. Study the subject you'd love to master
26. Spend time in total meditative silence
27. Massage your body or scalp
28. Take a hot bath before retiring
29. Count your blessings with gratitude
30. Get a good night's rest
31. Follow a stress-to-success checklist
I'm going to add one (ok, two) which are pray and read scriptures.
Better go get out of my pjs if I'll be 'dressing for success' today. It is nearly noon.
peace-
emily
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Cherish Every Moment Cookbook Project
I had an email from Candice back in October when we were in the middle of my flooded house situation and spontaneous home remodel. (for more info on that read my post And the Rain Came Down)
She wrote:
hi there, My name is Candice Sonke and I was just looking at your website. My son was born June 7th of this year at 22 weeks gestational age, after 129 days in the hospital we just took him home (in October). He is a miracle. I have since started collecting the stories of others who have spent any amount of time in an NICU, along with a recipe to put together a cook book of hope.
I recently expanded the invitation to parents who have also lost a child due to premature birth. So I ...would like to invite you to also participate. I am in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada and am working along side the IWK foundation to raise money for the Neonatal unit in Halifax NS. I hope you would be interested, feel free to also expand this invite to your family, and friends who may have also been touched by a premature baby.
If you have any questions please contact me by email pink262@hotmail.com or on facebook. I have a facebook page dedicated to premature babies called "Cherish Every Moment".
I look forward to hearing from you.
Candice Sonke
proud mom of Aidan-John Michael Quilty born 22 weeks 1lb 9 oz.
I responded in this way;
I appreciate your invitation to join your project. It sounds wonderful. But I wonder if I really fit- Gabriel had died before he was born, and then we were induced. I don't know if that is exactly the kind of inspirational story you are looking for,it is really kind of a downer. Let me know if you'd still like us to be involved.
and had this kind reply:
You know, every story is important for people to hear, no experience is more important than another. I think that your story while it may not be inspiring in the sense that most people would expect, it may help families to really see how blessed that they have been to have a healthy child. Its really your call, I do have families whose children have passed away sending in there stories for just that reason.
I appreciate Candice including us in her project. If you'd like to share your child's story with her contact her by email on on her facebook group Cherish Every Moment.
Good luck with your cookbook, Candice!
Speaking of recipes, I don't particularly like to cook but for New Years Eve I wanted to do something special for my family. I tried an elaborate recipe for Monkey Bread that used yeast and it was a total failure! Here is my old tried and true recipe (compliments of the good folks over at Pillsbury):
Monkey Bread
2 cans refrigerated biscuits
1/2c sugar
1t cinnamon
1 c brown sugar
3/4 c butter or margarine, melted
1/2 c chopped walnuts and/or raisins if desired
Heat oven to 350. Lightly grease a bundt pan with cooking spray. In large plastic bag mix white sugar and cinnamon. Cut biscuits into quarters, place in bag and shake to coat. Arrange in pan adding raisins and walnuts among biscuit pieces. In small bown, mix brown sugar and butter, pour over all. Bake 28- 32 mintues until golden brown. Cool in pan 10 minutes, turn upside down onto serving plate. Pull apart to serve; serve warm.
She wrote:
hi there, My name is Candice Sonke and I was just looking at your website. My son was born June 7th of this year at 22 weeks gestational age, after 129 days in the hospital we just took him home (in October). He is a miracle. I have since started collecting the stories of others who have spent any amount of time in an NICU, along with a recipe to put together a cook book of hope.
I recently expanded the invitation to parents who have also lost a child due to premature birth. So I ...would like to invite you to also participate. I am in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada and am working along side the IWK foundation to raise money for the Neonatal unit in Halifax NS. I hope you would be interested, feel free to also expand this invite to your family, and friends who may have also been touched by a premature baby.
If you have any questions please contact me by email pink262@hotmail.com or on facebook. I have a facebook page dedicated to premature babies called "Cherish Every Moment".
I look forward to hearing from you.
Candice Sonke
proud mom of Aidan-John Michael Quilty born 22 weeks 1lb 9 oz.
I responded in this way;
I appreciate your invitation to join your project. It sounds wonderful. But I wonder if I really fit- Gabriel had died before he was born, and then we were induced. I don't know if that is exactly the kind of inspirational story you are looking for,it is really kind of a downer. Let me know if you'd still like us to be involved.
and had this kind reply:
You know, every story is important for people to hear, no experience is more important than another. I think that your story while it may not be inspiring in the sense that most people would expect, it may help families to really see how blessed that they have been to have a healthy child. Its really your call, I do have families whose children have passed away sending in there stories for just that reason.
I appreciate Candice including us in her project. If you'd like to share your child's story with her contact her by email on on her facebook group Cherish Every Moment.
Good luck with your cookbook, Candice!
Speaking of recipes, I don't particularly like to cook but for New Years Eve I wanted to do something special for my family. I tried an elaborate recipe for Monkey Bread that used yeast and it was a total failure! Here is my old tried and true recipe (compliments of the good folks over at Pillsbury):
Monkey Bread
2 cans refrigerated biscuits
1/2c sugar
1t cinnamon
1 c brown sugar
3/4 c butter or margarine, melted
1/2 c chopped walnuts and/or raisins if desired
Heat oven to 350. Lightly grease a bundt pan with cooking spray. In large plastic bag mix white sugar and cinnamon. Cut biscuits into quarters, place in bag and shake to coat. Arrange in pan adding raisins and walnuts among biscuit pieces. In small bown, mix brown sugar and butter, pour over all. Bake 28- 32 mintues until golden brown. Cool in pan 10 minutes, turn upside down onto serving plate. Pull apart to serve; serve warm.
Word of the Year
So.. a few folks have asked me what my word of the year is. I've been thinking on it. I want something that inspires me, I want something that motivates me. I want to get going on my many projects. I want to be healthier, I want to lose 15 pounds. I want to walk a 50 mile stretch of the Appalachian Trail this year. I want to be organized, I want to be involved with my kids and their schools.
So.. I've been tossing it around and I'm going to pick ACTIVE.
from thesaurus.com (I'm combining two entries from there)
Main Entry: active
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: having movement
Synonyms: agile, alert, alive, animated, astir, at work, bold, brisk, bustling, busy, chipper, daring, dashing, determined, diligent, dynamic, eager, effective, efficacious, energetic, engaged, enlivened, enterprising, enthusiastic, eventful, exertive, fireball, flowing, forceful, fresh, frisky, functioning, going, hard-working, high-spirited, impelling, industrious, in force, in play, in process, inventive, keen, lively, mobile, movable, moving, nimble, on the move, operating, operative, perky, persevering, progressive, purposeful, pushing, quick, rapid, ready, resolute, rolling, running, sharp, simmering, speeding, speedy, sprightly, spry, streaming, swarming, traveling, turning, walking, whiz, working, zealous
Don't I want to be that person?
Here is my pep talk in my head:
Get moving!
Get going!
Go do something good today!
Does anyone else find it ironic that it took me a few days to do this?
I'd love to hear what your word is- leave a link below.
peace!
emily
So.. I've been tossing it around and I'm going to pick ACTIVE.
from thesaurus.com (I'm combining two entries from there)
Main Entry: active
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: having movement
Synonyms: agile, alert, alive, animated, astir, at work, bold, brisk, bustling, busy, chipper, daring, dashing, determined, diligent, dynamic, eager, effective, efficacious, energetic, engaged, enlivened, enterprising, enthusiastic, eventful, exertive, fireball, flowing, forceful, fresh, frisky, functioning, going, hard-working, high-spirited, impelling, industrious, in force, in play, in process, inventive, keen, lively, mobile, movable, moving, nimble, on the move, operating, operative, perky, persevering, progressive, purposeful, pushing, quick, rapid, ready, resolute, rolling, running, sharp, simmering, speeding, speedy, sprightly, spry, streaming, swarming, traveling, turning, walking, whiz, working, zealous
Don't I want to be that person?
Here is my pep talk in my head:
Get moving!
Get going!
Go do something good today!
Does anyone else find it ironic that it took me a few days to do this?
I'd love to hear what your word is- leave a link below.
peace!
emily
Just Out of Sight
My mom recently had 10 grandkids at her house on Christmas day. We were talking about how everyone had liked their presents and as we were going through the names she said “And then when Gabriel.. wait.. where did that come from?” Sometimes it feels like he is just around the corner out of sight.
Friday, January 1, 2010
I'm Famous!
I'm pleased as punch to be Ter's Follower of the Month over on her spankin' new blog With An Angel On My Shoulder- click on over and check it out! Thanks, Ter!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!
I was reading my mom's Woman's World Magazine and came across this gem on page 42. I think it was the current issue; I ripped the page out so can't check it. Sorry for any of you fact checking my blog, lol
Be Good to Yourself!
Feeling like you don't do enough?
You do!
Pushing yourself to do more?
Please don't!
Life isn't only about to-do lists
Every now and then, it should be about wish lists- yours!
What do you want?
What do you need?
Pick something big or small and make it happen.
Everyone deserves to be happy.
Including you!
I like the idea that my New Year's Resolutions can be a WISH LIST instead of a To-Do List.
What's on your list for this year??
I was reading my mom's Woman's World Magazine and came across this gem on page 42. I think it was the current issue; I ripped the page out so can't check it. Sorry for any of you fact checking my blog, lol
Be Good to Yourself!
Feeling like you don't do enough?
You do!
Pushing yourself to do more?
Please don't!
Life isn't only about to-do lists
Every now and then, it should be about wish lists- yours!
What do you want?
What do you need?
Pick something big or small and make it happen.
Everyone deserves to be happy.
Including you!
I like the idea that my New Year's Resolutions can be a WISH LIST instead of a To-Do List.
What's on your list for this year??
Monday, December 28, 2009
Gearing up for New Years
This week between Christmas and New Years is always a big blur to me. And I'm not a drinker.
It is a lot of nit-picky, clean-up stuff from this last year in preparation for a big fresh new DO-OVER of next year. It is kind of like how every Monday is a fresh start for my diet and exercise program (my program that I don't have.. I keep telling myself I'll start it next Monday.. a day that never comes)but NEW YEARS is HUGE! A brand new chance! To do it, get started with my goals. My chance to get organized, my chance to get my act together and really be where I want to be.
So, in preparation, I'll share a few of my 'inspirational' quotes I've got rolling around in my head.
"Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
-Dr. Seuss
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
-Dr. Seuss
You can’t do EVERYTHING. But you can do SOMETHING.
Helen Keller
15 minutes a day to create something beautiful. We can do so much if we just GET STARTED
It is a lot of nit-picky, clean-up stuff from this last year in preparation for a big fresh new DO-OVER of next year. It is kind of like how every Monday is a fresh start for my diet and exercise program (my program that I don't have.. I keep telling myself I'll start it next Monday.. a day that never comes)but NEW YEARS is HUGE! A brand new chance! To do it, get started with my goals. My chance to get organized, my chance to get my act together and really be where I want to be.
So, in preparation, I'll share a few of my 'inspirational' quotes I've got rolling around in my head.
"Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
-Dr. Seuss
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
-Dr. Seuss
You can’t do EVERYTHING. But you can do SOMETHING.
Helen Keller
15 minutes a day to create something beautiful. We can do so much if we just GET STARTED
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Holidays Can Be Tough
How's everyone doing?
I'm kind of in a funk. It's like I only have 2 speeds- either furiously trying to keep up or totally comatose sleeping for hours.
I'm feeling really unbalanced. Frustrated.
I'm not sure the solution. And I'm not trying to bring you all down. Just sayin.
I know this is a tough time of year for so many. There was an excellent article in the Washington Post last Thursday called Facing the Holidays After Heartbreak. While it dealt with families dealing with both loss and separation (such as divorce) I thought there were some excellent suggestions by the author, Tracy Grant. I'm going to just quote parts of it but you can read the whole article here.
"...navigating the holidays can be exhausting... Finding the balance between the old and the new and keeping old traditions alive while creating new memories is the challenge..."
Cynthia Glass, a clinical social worker has these suggestions for starting traditions:
Honor the empty seat. Put together pictures or sayings about the person who is missing. (This is Emily now- at one workshop I presented a woman told me she sets a place at the table to remember her missing child. One of my favorite suggestions I've ever heard is to have a toast to remember all those family members not at the table with you.)
Create a new tradition, perhaps taking a family walk in the woods. (From Emily: One woman told me her family has started doing a Christmas sunrise picnic at the beach)
Cut back on presents. Shopping can be stressful and overwhelming (Emily: and it is really hard to go out where you will see lots of families with babies or pregnant women. I do a lot of my shopping online to avoid that. I even use a grocery delivery service for groceries if I'm really having a tough time)
Spend time with people who 'get it'. Don't force yourself to be around people who make the holidays harder for you, even if those people are family members. (Emily: yes, yes, totally agree)
Do something spiritual. Not necessarily religious, but something that makes you realize you are part of somthing bigger, something that allows you to connect to art, nature or other people. (Emily: love this)
Realize you aren't alone in needing help. Helping people in a charitable way helps yourself, too. (Emily: I know many people use this opportunity to do donate or do a kindness project in honor of their baby. I've had people tell me they donate to Toys for Tots, food banks, leaving a large tip for a server when going out to eat, making cookies or snacks for the fire house or police station or whatever project speaks to healing your heart.)
The author says that 'sometimes a change of scenery is just what a family needs'. (Emily: I have had people tell me they plan a trip somewhere- the beach, or the mountains. Just someplace different.)
Now, this is me again:
I give you permission to do as much or as little as you can. Ask for help when you need it. Lower your expectations. Cry when you need or want. Take care of yourself. Remember to eat (not just Christmas cookies).
Actually, this is all good advice for me, too.
Hope today is gentle for you.
peace-
emily
I'm kind of in a funk. It's like I only have 2 speeds- either furiously trying to keep up or totally comatose sleeping for hours.
I'm feeling really unbalanced. Frustrated.
I'm not sure the solution. And I'm not trying to bring you all down. Just sayin.
I know this is a tough time of year for so many. There was an excellent article in the Washington Post last Thursday called Facing the Holidays After Heartbreak. While it dealt with families dealing with both loss and separation (such as divorce) I thought there were some excellent suggestions by the author, Tracy Grant. I'm going to just quote parts of it but you can read the whole article here.
"...navigating the holidays can be exhausting... Finding the balance between the old and the new and keeping old traditions alive while creating new memories is the challenge..."
Cynthia Glass, a clinical social worker has these suggestions for starting traditions:
Honor the empty seat. Put together pictures or sayings about the person who is missing. (This is Emily now- at one workshop I presented a woman told me she sets a place at the table to remember her missing child. One of my favorite suggestions I've ever heard is to have a toast to remember all those family members not at the table with you.)
Create a new tradition, perhaps taking a family walk in the woods. (From Emily: One woman told me her family has started doing a Christmas sunrise picnic at the beach)
Cut back on presents. Shopping can be stressful and overwhelming (Emily: and it is really hard to go out where you will see lots of families with babies or pregnant women. I do a lot of my shopping online to avoid that. I even use a grocery delivery service for groceries if I'm really having a tough time)
Spend time with people who 'get it'. Don't force yourself to be around people who make the holidays harder for you, even if those people are family members. (Emily: yes, yes, totally agree)
Do something spiritual. Not necessarily religious, but something that makes you realize you are part of somthing bigger, something that allows you to connect to art, nature or other people. (Emily: love this)
Realize you aren't alone in needing help. Helping people in a charitable way helps yourself, too. (Emily: I know many people use this opportunity to do donate or do a kindness project in honor of their baby. I've had people tell me they donate to Toys for Tots, food banks, leaving a large tip for a server when going out to eat, making cookies or snacks for the fire house or police station or whatever project speaks to healing your heart.)
The author says that 'sometimes a change of scenery is just what a family needs'. (Emily: I have had people tell me they plan a trip somewhere- the beach, or the mountains. Just someplace different.)
Now, this is me again:
I give you permission to do as much or as little as you can. Ask for help when you need it. Lower your expectations. Cry when you need or want. Take care of yourself. Remember to eat (not just Christmas cookies).
Actually, this is all good advice for me, too.
Hope today is gentle for you.
peace-
emily
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