Nikki (Aaron's mommy) sent me this email:
It has been 2 and a half years since Aaron's death. Looking back there were so many things that were helpful. There are one things I can pinpoint that probably helped the most though. It came in the form of a book. After Aaron died I was kind of obsessed with finding books to read about the subject of babies dying and what to do afterwards. I read a lot of them. Many of them were geared towards the mother and my husband was desperate to find something he could relate to. One day he was on the internet (espn.com of all places) and found a link to a book one of their columnists had written. He found one called, "Noah's Rainbow: A Father's Emotional Journey from the Death of his Son to the Birth of his Daughter", by David Flemming. He told me about it and I went straight to the book store and got it for him. He read it in a couple days. We talked about Aaron constantly but men and women express their feelings so differently. I was always asking how he was doing etc. and I couldn't always understand the differences. My husband asked me to read that book and I finally understood exactly where he was. It put us closer to the same page and opened up whole new lines of conversation. They one thing the author stresses is that since our babies are not here to have a legacy, we are their legacy.
The book changed our view on how to handle things. We decided after reading the book we were going to give Aaron the best legacy we possibly could. We got actively involved with March for Babies (previously WalkAmerica) sponsored by the March of Dimes. We have a family team. This will be our 3rd year (in 2009), but in our first two years we have raised well over $10,000. The walk is always the last Sunday in April and Aaron's birthday is April 28th so it is always right around his birthday. We have a picnic the day before the walk for our team that serves as the perfect way to thank them and help us all remember/celebrate Aaron. We also have a toy drive every Christmas in his memory. We just completed our 3rd one and they have grown every year. We have both become BETTER people through it all.
Thanks for sending this in, Nikki! I love the idea that we are creating our children's legacy. It reminds me of the kindness projects and then also the idea of 'continued parenting' from Kotapress- our relationship of being our kids parents isn't over when they die- it is just starting as we create a legacy for them. I will be posting more about this later on today but think this is a perfect way to start the New Year- thinking about how to create our children's legacy.
Wishing you all a gentle New Year- peace, emily