Monday, February 9, 2009

Remembering the Love

Oh you got to you got to remember the love,
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love, spread love
Measure, measure your life in love.
~Rent, Seasons of Love~

I had read this post by Zil on her blog The Three Little Birds some time ago and I keep coming back to it.

I love this idea- to measure a life in love.

If I look back to when Gabriel died, I can see so much love expressed to me and my family. The nurses at the hospital who compassionately stayed with us (or stayed away) depending on what we needed. The memory box given to me from an unknown mom who had also lost her baby. Women from church who stopped by with meals. The coworkers at my husband's work who covered for him as he was out for a week.

But this is measuring my life by the love.

What if I measure Gabriel's life by the love?

In his so short life he was only loved- by his mom and dad, his grandma, his siblings.

So I'm trying to do this- remember the love. Instead of focusing on the pain I felt, the fear, the sadness, the hurt and confusion, I am going to try to remember the love.

I hope today is gentle for you.


Mrs. Spit said...

Oh, you had a Gabriel too! I'd say exciting, but, well, you know.

Thanks for your comment. So sorry you are here.

E and K Rausch said...

Emily, I needed this post today! thank you. I have been in an angry stage of grief for a bit and your post (well I got the news letter) has opened my eye to something. THANK YOU!!!

Ter said...

I've had a rotten day so far.

Can't see the love for tears blinding me.

Ter said...

ironically, my word verification for the post above was "graph" which was funny because you said to measure the love.

1,000 Faces of MotherHenna said...

Emily, thank you so much for sending out this article. One of the first things I learned on this path as a bereaved mum was that I had to move from being defined by grief back to being defined by love in order to re-learn to live again after Kota's death.

Moving back toward the definitions of love meant I could embrace my fullness as a Different Kind of Parent. I took a Hero's Journey and became a Looove Hero... in my trials and tribulation on my path, I met the Grief Monster. Rather than fight him, I invited him to tea. He was so shocked to be invited to tea -- no one had ever shown him such kindness.

In our tea discussion, I discovered that he came right at the moment of trauma to help numb me so I wouldn't crack up. He came as a helper first. He just didn't realize that after a while I needed help in a different way.

So our tea summit resulted in a truce. We agreed to live together, but he doesn't come lashing out without notice. He waits till I tell him I need him. He gives me all the space I need for BEing LOOOVE so that my parenthood can be defined by the love I have for Kota instead of just defined by the ache of Grief Monster.

Anyway... Just thought to share that with you...
xox and miracles to you!

Zil said...

Thanks for mentioning my blog in your post. It's great to see the responses to it.

There's a song I recently downloaded from iTunes entitled "Love Is All We Have". It's a haunting song about hurricane Katrina ravishing New Orleans.

I turn to it for comfort because the song reminds me that whatever is thrown my way, love is what keeps me moving forward. And sometimes that love does not become apparent until we’re cleaning up in the aftermath of a “storm”.

Peace and my love to all.

Anonymous said...

I can completely relate and understand your post reagrding love all around. My family is always there when i need them, my neighbors have been providing us meals 3 days a week, my friends have been supporting us by making positive gestures and making donations and contributions to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in remebrance and memory of my baby girl Savana.