We recently took a roadtrip down to Florida and did all the things you do in Florida-get sunburned, eat oranges, go to the beach, Disney, and snorkeling. It was a good trip. I was thinking about Gabriel a ton because it was nearly identical to the trip we had planned (and ended up taking) 2 weeks after Gabriel was stillborn. I felt a little like he was looking over my shoulder.
Now, let me tell you for a second about my kids. I have 2 older ones who are now in their teens. They were 3-4 when Gabriel died. And we waited years after his death before I could bear to think about trying again. And so there is a 8 year gap before my younger 2. I think it is fitting that hole is in my family. Because there IS a hole in my family.
People often comment on my kids. Either the "Oh, 2 boys and 2 girls- perfect!" which of course isn't perfect, there is supposed to be 3 boys. OR they ask about the 8 year gap. I usually just smile and thank them.
But I had a conversation with a lady that started kind of differently. I think that is why it caught me off guard, kind of.
Lady: "So, are these all your kids or are you babysitting or something?"
Me: "They are all mine"
Me: "Yep" (they were running like lunatics through the parking lot at the Wild Bird Rescue Center)
Lady: "You sure have your hands full"
Me: "Well, that is better than having my hands empty"
Just kidding. That's what I wished I had said. What I actually said was,
Me: "Yep, in the best way possible"
Not a day goes by I still don't miss my little boy.
I hope today is gentle for you