Countdown to Mother's Day

The countdown has started- Mother's Day is just over a week away. I dread it.

Mother's Day can be difficult- especially if you have no living kids. You ARE a mom- and I'm sorry your darling babies are not with you.

This year, Gabriel's anniversary date falls ON Mother's Day. Double whammy for me.

I'd like to send a card to all you moms. Just email me your name and address by this Sunday, May 2. Please put 'Stepping Stones' in the subject line.

peace-
emily

How Many Kids Do You Have? Stumbling Block

How do you answer this question?

I know this was one thing that was hard in the early days that kind of caught me unexpectedly. It was hard to talk about Gabriel, and also equally hard NOT to talk about him. It was wrong either way- whether I included him or not.

Even after 7 years this question still gives me pause. Usually, I just mention my living kids, unless it is someone I will know well or will have a longer relationship with.

More often lately though I've been running into people commenting what a 'perfect' family I have- two girls, two boys. I usually bite my tongue because I know it is not even-steven, not perfect. It is 2 girls, 3 boys. Or rather, it should be.

There is an 8 year gap between my older two and my younger two. A gaping hole in my family where Gabriel should be.

What do YOU say when someone asks 'How many kids do you have?'. Do you answer differently than your husband?


peace-
emily

Daffodil Principle

I read this post over at Kidz and have been thinking of it all week. You should go over to read the entire post, but I'll boil it down for you here:

50,000 bulbs
one at a time
by one woman
2 hands, 2 feet
and very little brain
Began in 1958

15 minutes a day to create something beautiful. We can do so much if we just GET STARTED

peace-
emily

And the award goes to..

I have been neglect in my blogging duties. I was nominated for a few awards last week and failed to acknowledge them. Pretend I'm wearing a gorgeous gown and have perfectly coiffed hair (intead of the flannel shirt and scrunchie I'm currently sporting)

Living with Loss gave me this one (aw shucks)



and then Kathryn at Expectant Hearts gave me this one (downcast eyes and demure smile)



Thank you both, Ladies! How kind. I always in the mood for a good old dose of being appreciated.

Research Opportunity

I was contacted by the woman below who is conducting a survey about miscarriage and attitudes about miscarriage. If you'd like to participate I've included the info below:

Everyone has a unique experience with miscarriage and many find help and support through groups like this one. Unfortunately, little is known about women's experiences of support and how this may affect responses to miscarriage, and so I invite you to participate in my dissertation research study examining women’s experiences following a miscarriage. Although there is no direct benefit to you, survey results may help healthcare providers better understand and meet the needs of women following miscarriage. This online survey takes approximately 15-20 minutes and is open to women who have miscarried a wanted pregnancy in the previous 6 months who are 18 years of age or older, living in the United States, and involved in a relationship with a significant other. Participants are eligible for a raffle for a $50 American Express gift certificate. For more information, please don't hesitate to contact me.

click here to take the survey

Lisa Rosenzweig
Teachers College
lsr2106@columbia.edu

Aloha

So maybe I've mentioned my sister lives in Hawaii (mentioned it once or twice or a hundred times) and you maybe know about our site-that-shall-not-be-named where she writes our babies names for us in the sand and takes a photo. We are in the process of trying to find another name and starting up again (for now go on over to my site PregnancyLossRibbons.com but you didn't hear it from me)

I've been thinking a lot about the word "Aloha" and want to use that in our new name. Aloha is used for both 'hello' and 'goodbye', which for many of us is exactly how we greeted our babies- saying hello and goodbye at the same time.

But as I was researching it a little more I found out Aloha also means love, peace, compassion and mercy. How wonderful! One little word. Perfect.

Any ideas for new names for our new site? Nothing already trademarked, please! LOL

Aloha,
emily

Beautiful Blossoms

As I was driving out and around this morning I was struck again by the beauty of these gorgeous trees in bloom. At the fact that these blossoms are here for such a short time, and then gone. So fragile and perfect.

I made an conscious effort to stop and really look at them. Appreciate them. To not take them for granted, because one good rain or wind and they will be gone. And as the petals slowly fall to the ground it looks as if they are weeping. Symbolic for how I usually feel this time of year. 3 weeks until Gabriel's Day.

When I got home I grabbed my camera and walked down to the end of the cul-de-sac. To these gorgeous trees with the brillian blue sky in the background. I took several photos. And just stood there for a moment trying to appreciate that life is, for this minute, special and beautiful.

And then I became aware that I was standing in a pile of fresh dog do.

How's that grab you for irony?

Hanami Prints

I just discovered this site and wanted to share it with all of you- so many beautiful items. They have gorgeous jewelry, angel announcements, candles, and so many rememberance items. They are offering free shipping until 4/30

They also have a page with quite a few quotes. Some of my favorites I found there include:

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough
— Tagore

There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart
— Gandhi

Hanami Prints

Hanami Prints Quotes Page

The Little Voice In My Head

Do you ever notice that you talk to yourself in a way you would never in real life talk to someone else? I always seem to have this negative self talk going on in my head. And then it is like I am looking for situations to reinforce these opinions.

For example! The only clean towel this morning was a TeenAge Mutant Ninja Turtles beach towel- so that is what I used after my shower. Reinforcing the fact that ONE, I am a terrible housekeeper to not have clean towels, and TWO, I am ginormous as a whale to require a beach towel to dry off with rather than a regular sized bath towel.

And ok, ok. I'm a liar as well. It wasn't just this morning. I have been using this TMNT beach towel for 3 days so far. It has holes in it and at one point I'm pretty sure my husband used it in some sort of handyman project because it has some sort of crusty expanding foam stuck on it so while the towel itself is clean it is kind of crunchy and scratchy.

Why do I treat myself like this? I deserve better! I'm a valuable human being, even if the house elves are behind on the laundry.

I'm going to get up this minute and go start the washing machine.

peace!
emily

Making a List!

I hate when people talk about TV shows and then if you haven't seen it they proceed to tell you the whole plot of the sitcom. You know? But that's what I'm kind of going to do.

We watched the Office last night. Well, dh watched it. I was trying to read. I try to say I don't like that show. But then I find myself watching it. And laughing.

Anyway, Michael started his own paper company. When Pam showed up for work the first day (at his house) he was still in his robe. Unable to get dressed- overwhelmed by what he had gotten himself into. She told him when she is overwhelmed she makes a list. And feels better crossing things off of it. (Something like that- I tell you, I was trying not to watch it ;0)

But that's what I need today. A big fat list of everything annoying or bothering me. All the loose ends. And then either FINISH some of them (make a darn dentist appointment, already! Clear off and dust my desk!) or LET IT GO. Ok! Lose 30 pounds ain't happening today. But I can maybe take a walk. Drink a glass of water.

That's what I'm going to work on this weekend.

C'mon, Emily. Get going!

Kick Me When I'm Down

Have you ever had a bad week and then something comes along and kicks you in the head?

That has been my week!

Care to join me for a pity party??

I unknowingly violated a trademarked name so I have take the Sandwritten site down. That super stinks.

A leak in my kitchen ceiling... drip, drip, drip. I know it is these crummy plastic pipes. We really need to repipe the whole house but I haven't had an extra $3000 lying around (and I'll tell you true- if I did have an extra $3000 I'd be buying tickets for the family to go to Hawaii! Repiping my house is not even close to top of my priority list)

A kid with pnemonia- again. 3 times since February. And waking up in the middle of the night with a few worrisome hours wondering if I should take another one to the emergency room. Actually, just mom worry in general. Worry that I'm not doing enough or the right things for my kids.

Money. 'nuff said

I'm going to try the 'I get to..'

I get to have a roof over my head (it is totally leaking, but it is there)
I get to treasure my minutes with my kids- I try not to look to tomorrow but really enjoy today.

I'm not sure about the 'I get to..' for the sandwritten thing. I'm still working on that one.

((hugs))
peace-
emily

This Club We Never Wanted To Join

When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy-hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding.
- Helen Keller

Thank you so much for sharing your stumbling blocks with me. It helps so much to know I'm not alone in these things. That I'm not crazy. Or if I am, we all are.

We now belong to a club none of us wanted to join. But I do feel comforted to know that there are people out there who understand. Who share my sorrow, who understand. It makes all the difference in the world.

Thank you.
peace-
emily