Tuesday, June 14, 2011

No right or wrong

In the interest of 'keepin it real' I wanted to tell you about a conversation my husband and I had the week before Gabriel's birthday.

Me: Did you get Gabriel's birthday off from work next week?
Him: When is it?
Me: Really? You don't know when it is?
Him: I try not to think about it. I just can't do that.

Try not to smack your husband when and if this happens to you.

Just because I mark it on the calendar and cautiously anticipate it from the minute the calendar flips around New Years does not mean I am right and he is wrong. We are both right. However you need to be to get through is right for you.



Pink Panda said...

Quite true! And everyone is different! What works for one, doesn't work for another even the two people are both women or are both men!

Joanna said...

That is so true...but I have to admit that sometimes it breaks my heart that my husband doesn't think about our angel every minute of every day the way I do. I know it's not a realistic expectation and he is doing whatever he can to protect his heart, but it still stings a bit.

ter@waaoms said...

how awful that he would be so insensitive to say that to you. I definitely would have been pissed off if that happened to me. Bad enough grandparents and aunts and uncles don't care, but the child's parent, is absolutely unthinkable. Of course in my case, my husband would remember but say he wanted to forget, yet, he ran to heaven the very first chance he got, and he forgot to take me with him... thus breaking a promise.

Emily said...

you're right! I should not have said it was "men" or "women". You are very right that everyone grieves differently. I"m going to change the title. thank you for that

Emily said...

I guess I didn't see it as insensitive... I just saw it as honest. I didn't take it as a sign that he didn't care; I know he does.
Sorry, ((Ter)) Hugs to you as you are missing both your husband and child.

Heather said...

You are right. It is different for everyone. Although at times it can be difficult to accept. He goes to the cemetary often, I can hardly bear it on holidays and anniversarys. I cry, light candles, he buys flowers and brings fresh mulch. We all miss and love and grieve our own ways. Not necessarily less or more. (( ))

Holly said...

I don't think men remember dates as well as women anyway. I know my husband doesn't remember a lot of the days that I do. Like when our prayer shower was, when we got maternity photos done, when we had her 3D US....stuff like that.

Whitney said...

My aunt just sent me your website - thank you for a lovely blog. My daughter Anna was stillborn a month ago (-7 hours). She was at 24 weeks gestation when she died and would have been at 25 when she was born. I cherish every time my husband says something that shows how much he still thinks of her and hurts, because sometimes I think he's over it already, even though I know he loves her too. I had a question for you - what do you call Gabriel's birthday? I don't know how to feel about Anna's due date in December, when I know she probably wouldn't have come out that day exactly. But it seems morbid to call her day of birth a birthday, which is supposed to be such a happy party time. Thanks again for writing...Whitney