A Family Time of Year
Many of us celebrate Christmas at this time of year. Some of us celebrate Hanukkah. Or Kwanzaa, or Diwali or Solstice. In any case, this time of year is about FAMILY and it is obvious that the whole family is NOT HERE.
This is the time of year I am most often faced with the "it should be's". Gabriel should be 6 years old- I should be buying him toys and new pjs with cartoon characters on them and taking him to the mall to see Santa. I should be yelling at him to take his dishes to the sink and no, you can't wear that grimey tshirt to visit grandma's house and can he please pick up his shoes- for the millionth time? I should be taking his photo for our Christmas card and helping him do his shopping at the dollar store and decorating gingerbread men and don't lick that icing we all have to use it.
It is not an easy time of year, but several of you have shared ideas about how to include your child in your holidays. Several people mentioned buying special ornaments with their child's name and then sending them to grandparents and other family members. Some of you use a special footprint or angel stamp or punch to include your child in your holiday cards. I like to do a service project in Gabriel's honor. I donate to Toys for Tots, or from the Angel trees found in many stores.
If your loss is more recent you may not have any energy to do any of this. Do not feel bad about that. It might be right for you at this time to just hole up. Do something different Christmas morning. Drive to the beach to watch the sunrise. Go away. Go to church. Light a candle in memory of your baby.
Please come check out my blog. I have been working on it and trying to figure out what it is going to be, what I want it to be. I decided to rename it "Stepping Stones- a path to healing after the loss of a child" There is a wonderful quote I have heard that says "The trick is to make your stepping stones out of stumbling blocks". I want this blog to be a place where we can share our ideas. For those of us who have 'been there' can help support those who are 'there now'. For us to share our 'stepping stones' to healing.
There are so many things I wish someone had told me. How to get my name off baby mailing lists. How to dry up my milk that cruely came in anyway after I was sent home from the hospital without my baby. How painful the innocent question would now be when I was asked "How many kids do you have?" I invite you to stop by and read, or comment. If you have any suggestions of what you wish someone had told you, or what you'd like to tell someone else to help make this path easier I invite you to share it with us.
I am having a giveaway with prizes the week of Christmas- Click on my blog link below to get details about how to enter.
I hope this is a gentle holiday season for us all.