"My grief and pain are mine. I have earned them. They are part of me. Only in feeling them do I open myself to the lessons they can teach."
-Anne Wildon Schaef
At first the pain was overwhelming. And then there came a time when the pain started to fade. And I MISSED IT. Because it felt to me that forgetting my pain meant I was forgetting my boy.
After a long while, I was able to step back from the initial grief and pain and it instead turned to tenderness towards my boy. And pride that I am chosen to be his mom.
I do think losing Gabriel taught me a lot. Patience. An appreciation for how much my parents love me. An unbefore-seen tender side of my husband. The fact that I'm a lot stronger than I ever suspected.
And mostly, a reminder to just lighten up about all the small stuff. In a flash, I was reminded of what is important. Family. Love. Our Health.
Has your grief and pain taught you any lessons?
Friday, August 7, 2009
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7 comments:
Like you said, don't sweat the small stuff. Life is precious and can disappear in the blink of an eye. Treasure those you love and always keep them close.
Losing my son taught me a lot but I think one of the things it taught me was that it can happen to me too. I've been around a lot of people who had had miscarriages and my mom had a stillborn. I always felt bad for them but never had an understanding. I felt it would never happen to me. Learning that taught me how to be more sympathetic to people who lose a loved one. I've been there and I can at least be a shoulder to cry on.
For now I am learning that I have strength. I try to brush it off as it things that I HAVE to do. But really I could stay in bed forever missing my little boy.
I haven't had the grief that most of you women have suffered but I have had difficult times in my life. Some of those times turned me into a cold person. I had a very difficult time expressing sadness. Definately through pain comes a deeper appreciation for the important things in life. I do like the person I became. It would be nice if we could have this understanding without the pain involved. But that isn't how it works. Take care & God Bless.
That is so very true. Even though I only have 3 months experience with loss, I feel so deeply to not drive myself insane from the little things in life, I find that complaining about minor odds and ends are no longer needed.
I was a micro-manager of all things related to the house and my son. Now, I let a lot of things I would've freaked about go. Mostly because I don't have the energy. But I realize, if my biggest worry was someone forgetting to take their shoes off when they come into the house, life would be great. If my son's chix nuggets aren't cooked at exactly 425 for 15 min, who really cares, as long as they're cooked.
I have also learned I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. My husband also admits I am a much stronger person than he ever thought. I guess I'm living the cliche...
I too have found I'm stronger than I thought I was- both emotionally & my faith. I kinda knew before I was strong but it was never really tested. I think one positive way I've changed is I feel like I'm more compassionate. In many ways though I'm less patient when people continue to gripe and complain about trivial things. I try to be patient reminding myself that that may not be the root of what's bothering them but sometimes it just frustrates me. But yes, the small things really don't matter.
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