Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I had an email from Jess, sharing her stepping stones with us. Thanks for letting me post this, Jess!! ((hugs))

The thing that was the most helpful for me has been meeting other women through Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope or from reading there blogs. And also from starting my own blog. With my first miscarriage (my second was 2 weeks ago and my first was 2/11/10) I did not want to be judged so I kept quiet like unfortunately most women do.

What was the most difficult was going through my second D & C - I cried from the minute I entered the pre-surgery area. People kept asking why I was so upset. I thought it should be rather obvious! The second which was the reason why I was so quiet the first time was people's reactions when I told them I had a miscarriage. They looked horrified! I was so offended. I am the one going through this not them - how dare they look offended because of my pain! I still can't get over that. Now I have a blog and I could care less. If it bothers them then they better not talk to me (lol) because these are my children and I will talk about them whenever I want to! The Sunday before Oct. 15th I am singing "I will carry you" by Selah at church and putting up a powerpoint of the words with the dates of my angels and the date of pregnancy loss awareness day. I am praying that nothing happens that will upset me. I mean I am SURE I will cry when I am done with the song (hopefully not during though) but I hope no one acts appalled.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

"My hands are full"

We recently took a roadtrip down to Florida and did all the things you do in Florida-get sunburned, eat oranges, go to the beach, Disney, and snorkeling. It was a good trip. I was thinking about Gabriel a ton because it was nearly identical to the trip we had planned (and ended up taking) 2 weeks after Gabriel was stillborn. I felt a little like he was looking over my shoulder.

Now, let me tell you for a second about my kids. I have 2 older ones who are now in their teens. They were 3-4 when Gabriel died. And we waited years after his death before I could bear to think about trying again. And so there is a 8 year gap before my younger 2. I think it is fitting that hole is in my family. Because there IS a hole in my family.

People often comment on my kids. Either the "Oh, 2 boys and 2 girls- perfect!" which of course isn't perfect, there is supposed to be 3 boys. OR they ask about the 8 year gap. I usually just smile and thank them.

But I had a conversation with a lady that started kind of differently. I think that is why it caught me off guard, kind of.

Lady: "So, are these all your kids or are you babysitting or something?"
Me: "They are all mine"
Lady: "Wow!"
Me: "Yep" (they were running like lunatics through the parking lot at the Wild Bird Rescue Center)
Lady: "You sure have your hands full"
Me: "Well, that is better than having my hands empty"

Just kidding. That's what I wished I had said. What I actually said was,
Me: "Yep, in the best way possible"

Not a day goes by I still don't miss my little boy.
I hope today is gentle for you

If you're in the Lancaster, PA area

A few events hosted by Stephanie over at the Sweet Pea Project

Sweet Pea Project Plans Events for National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month October is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and Sweet Pea Project has planned two events to raise awareness in the community and offer support to those who have suffered the profound and permanent loss of a child. Sweet Pea Project kicks off the month with Kids Cookie Creation Station, a three day long family-friendly event to be held as part of Downtown Lancaster's Art Walk at Mulberry Art Studios. This "decorate your own cookie" event is a great way to have some creative and delicious fun while supporting an important cause. Cookies are $2 a piece and 100% of the proceeds benefit Sweet Pea Project. Event hours are: Friday, October 1st from 5pm until 8pm; Saturday, October 2nd from 10am until 6pm and Sunday, October 3rd from 11am until 5pm. Mulberry Art Studios is located at 21 North Mulberry Street, Lancaster. More information is available online at www.sweetpeaproject.org/cookie

On October 15, Sweet Pea Project invites families who have lost a baby to gather together for the First Annual Balloon Release in observance of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The Balloon Release will take place in the grassy field in front of the amphitheater at Long's Park in Lancaster. The Sweet Pea Project team will be handing out balloons from 5pm until 5:45pm and the balloons will be released promptly at 6pm. Attendees are encouraged to arrive early and personalize their balloons. 100% compostable seed paper will be provided for family members to write notes to their child. The notes will be inserted into the balloons so that when the balloon bursts, the notes will be reclaimed by the earth and sprout wildflowers. Sweet Pea Project has taken precautions to make sure that this is an eco-friendly event. For this reason, no balloons other than Sweet Pea Project issued balloons will be permitted. Biodegradable balloons will be provided for free. There is no cost for this event and no registration is required. This event has inspired bereaved parents to plan similar gatherings across the world, including two in Australia. More information is available at www.sweetpeaproject.org/balloon

Sweet Pea Project is a local organization that offers comfort, support and gentle guidance to families who have experienced the death of a child before, during or shortly after birth. Sweet Pea Project was founded in January 2009 by Stephanie Cole, whose own daughter Madeline was stillborn in January 2007. Through her work at the project, Stephanie honors her daughter's short but precious life while reaching out to other bereaved parents. Sweet Pea Project has recently filed paperwork to become a federally recognized nonprofit and now includes board members Beth Gauthier, Nicole Spadea Jackson and Simone L. Lee. To learn more about how Sweet Pea Project is working to create a more compassionate community, please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org.

Sweet Pea Project is very grateful for all the support that they have received from the community. Kids Cookie Creation Station is sponsored in part by Mulberry Art Studios, Baby's Silkie and La Terra Bakery. Sweet Pea Project's First Annual Balloon Release is sponsored in part by Baby's Silkie, Charles F. Snyder Funeral Home and a private donation by Madeline Cole's great-grandparents, John and Marie Gallagher.